Confessions of a Clutter Queen

WTF Wednesday - Bringing the Jersey Shore Home for the Holidays

2011-11-16T20:48:00.000-05:00

Welcome to What The Fuck Wednesday, where we read about products, items and events that make your head snap around and your mouth utter "What the fuck is that?" This meme comes to you from Kristin over at the Dragondreamer's Lair.
As we enter the holiday season, thoughts turn to post-Thanksgiving activities. In my house, that means erecting the Christmas tree. Yes, erecting, because we have a fake tree. I have a horrible track record of keeping live plants...well... living. Then there's the matter of those little needles, my cats clawing the bark on the tree and....I digress.
On a stop today at Walgreens, my husband and I perused the freshly-stocked shelves of their holiday wares, one must have ornament stood out. The Jersey Shore Collection. For only $5, you too can have Pauly D, The Situation and Snooki hanging from your tree! There may be others, but those were the ones available at that particular store. The only thing that could make this palatable for me is if I can redo the hanger to act like a noose around it's neck and hang it that way. And just for your reference, they were right next to the KISS ornaments featuring Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley. Which, I have to point out, my husband bought one of each. Perhaps though, for better product placement, our Jersey Shore gems should have been placed next to the chapstick or hair products.

Yes, Internet Friends Are Real.

2011-09-28T14:44:00.000-04:00

I can tell you the exact moment I knew we'd be forever friends.

After yet another heartbreaking loss, Kristin was in dire need of some uplift. Pam, our other partner in crime, and I decided to pack up and visit. There wasn't really a plan, just to surround her in love and perhaps get her to laugh a little.

I was first to arrive, with my 2 and 1 year olds in tow. Divine wandered inside, whipped down her shorts, took off her diaper and crapped on the brand. new. carpet. In Kristin's Brand. New. House.

I was MORTIFIED.

We had spoken on the phone many times, and had only met briefly once before at an ill-fated barbeque with other internet friends that can only be described as disastrous. But here she was, without missing a beat Kristin was picking up my child's shit and reassuring me that it really was okay. I thought she was just being polite. To this day, she couldn't believe I didn't believe her, and to this day I can't believe she was that cool about it.

But yeah, she really is that way.

Not many people would open their home to 4 more people for an undefined period of time like she and her family have to us after we were hit by a major flood. It's a major commitment, and they've been very gracious about it.

I know some of you have met Kristin at Blogher, maybe spoke on the phone, thru email, Twitter, what have you. We meet people from the internet, they seem cool, but you wonder what they're like in real life. I met Kristin on the internet 10 years ago. She is honest, loyal, kind, caring, and every bit the friend on the internet as she is in real life.

Commercial Break

2011-09-16T23:28:00.018-04:00

It's like the commercial break before returning to the show. You're deep into this intense drama, the screen cuts out and the next thing on your screen is a commercial that does a 180 on your emotional scale. But it's such a welcome break. Plus you have to pee, and maybe get a little snack and drink before it's over. But you can't take your eyes off the screen, because it's just that cool. I don't even know what it advertises, but it's so damn cute I don't care.

Going Home and Leaving Again

2011-09-16T10:58:00.001-04:00

This photo was posted on PennLive.com September 9th, two days after we evacuated. Notice the clothesline in the photo, it will give you an idea as to how deep the water actually is. The back door of the blue house has a set of stairs going up to it. These are my neighbors houses. My house is actually on the other side of the white house you see on the left.

My husband went up the next day, after the flood waters had receded enough and the creek was back in its banks. We had water on the first floor of our house approximately 4 inches deep. Obviously, returning home wasn't an option. At this point, 3 days in the hotel plus meals was eating through our money. A friend offered to watch our children for the day so I could go and survey the damage for myself, as well as grab what I could for myself and the children.

I don't know if it will ever be livable again.

Needless to say, there are a lot of swirling questions and not a whole lot of answers right now. The foundation looks compromised. My husband battles the mold daily and its winning. My children miss their Daddy and their things. We have to wait for FEMA and see what they say. Meanwhile my husband has to stay at that toxic dump because there is nowhere for him to go and we're out of money for the time being. He has to work, and when he's there he spends his time packing up what he can.

I would like to thank our local volunteer fire company. They stuck around during the flood for as long as they could and have been actively helping everyone in the aftermath. I would also like to Amish community who arrived en force, helping to rip out flooring and a variety of other nasty jobs my husband would otherwise have to do himself. Some others have offered hot meals, showers and laundry service. Shockingly, the Red Cross was 'too busy' in other areas to bother coming to our town. I wonder if that's much of a consolation to the people who've been out of power for the past week; a hot cup of coffee and a silly donut can go a long way even after you've just learned your house has been condemned. That's happened to two houses so far.

As for me and the kids, we are staying with friends. That's a separate post, with a much happier aura.

Evacuation/Going Home

2011-09-09T06:02:00.001-04:00

It's 4 a.m. Hotel beds are generally shitty places to sleep.

On Wednesday I had 30 minutes to pack for 5 people in one bag and leave my house. It had been raining so hard for so long my yard was its own little lake, and the creek in front of our house hadn't even breached its banks yet.

But it was getting close.

My neighbor came down in his ATV and took the kids up to his house, while I stuffed clothes in plastic bags, then into a duffel to suffice for who-knows-how-long. I expected a day or two. It's now day 3.

It's a lot to remember, to pack all the stuff you need in such a short time. I got into the ATV and met up with the kids. We didn't know where we were going, but we had to leave. NOW.

Roads were washing out and closing all over the place. One route into our town had already been covered over by the rushing water, which left one way out. As I drove out of town, the water was rushing toward the road's edge.

We were some of the last people able to leave.

We managed to make it to a McDs, to get our bearings and get the kids some lunch. My husband managed to get a reservation out of harm's way for us, so we drove down and attempted to settle in.

The road we took to get there is now impassable too, along with many other roads around here.

We've been through a number of floods since living here, most of which the water comes into the basement, recedes and then we go on with our merry lives with just a mid-sized inconvenience. Any flood is a pain in the ass, but we never felt as though our lives were in danger. It meant hosing off our already prepared basement then washing the walls and floors with bleach so mold couldn't set in. We never had to leave our house, the kids could still have all their comforts, and we rarely lost power. And if we did, it was never for that long.

The problem is that we had become complacent.

The creek was very low, and could handle the rain that was forecast. But the forecast changed. Overnight. And we were now in that ominously darkly shaded area.

We arrived at the hotel like drowned rats and attempted to settle in. The kids were thrilled, they've always wanted to stay in a hotel and loved all the perfectly packaged little cups, soaps and shampoos. They took long baths and marveled at all the newness around them. Because it was different, you know. We called our friends and family to let them know we'd left and were okay.

My husband's work cell started ringing off the hook. The fire company was trying to get a head count, who was where and from what house. They needed to know who they needed to pull out in boats. The town had been cut off by water on both sides. There was a mandatory evacuation, to at least bring anyone left to higher ground.

The water had completely filled the basements and had started rising on the first floor. It had gone from 'no big deal' to 'record setting'. We kept a close eye on the National Water Information System website, which gauges data for waterways across the U.S. If you live near one, I strongly suggest you bookmark it.

The water levels are starting to recede, and this morning my husband decided to attempt going back to see how our house faired. I don't even know if he'll make it with all the road closures. The kids are now sick of the hotel and can't wait to go home. But even if we could, there's no point until we can ensure their safety. So I guess we remain sitting...and waiting.

Not knowing really sucks.

Divine Puberty - Video Game Edition

2011-08-23T21:00:00.000-04:00

Divine is in the early stages of puberty. Now everything is my fault, or puberty. But mostly, it's her sister's fault. Just ask her.

Divine: Did you know that estrogen is the happy gland? And do you know why I haven't been happy since I was 7 years old? It's because you breastfed me.

Ah yes, hormones. It's like experiencing an altered state of reality.

I've come to accept that everything will be my fault for the next few years. Or probably the next decade. So I'm thinking there should be a video game about this. The pre-teen is the protagonist, with a vast variety of stages and enemies to defeat.

The first stage is in the home:

"Clean Your Room!" Attack - player is inserted into their 'room', but the walls become like a jail. In order to break free, they must blast away the mess on their floor. It's timed, and all the mess must be gone before the timer runs out. Or they have to start again.

"Naggy Younger Sibling" - Follows player around saying things like "Whatcha doin?" "Can we play?" The player is especially prone to this attack while school friends are over. In order to defeat this enemy, the player must address the sibling. A popup menu will offer a variety of phrases, like "GO AWAY!" or "I'm sorry sweetie, but I can't play right now. Can we play later?" The nice answer lowers the hit points of the sibling, nasty answers hurt the player. It takes several 'hits' to destroy this enemy.

"The Chore" - intermittently the player will be asked by 'mom' to complete a chore, such as doing dishes, mowing the grass or taking out the garbage. The faster the player addresses it, the less there will be. The dishes or garbage bags multiply the longer they fail to do it. "Reminders" pop up until it's done, and the player can't leave the premises until 'the chore' is completed. The longer they wait, the more constant the reminders. This could earn them an allowance to spend in another part of the game. The faster they do it, the more money they can make.

"Homework" - occasionally the player will have to do 'homework' (in game it will be little and goofy). Failure to do so will result in being sent to a tutor, who will give the player game tips.

Because this is a video game, there has to be fun elements to it. One is through mini games on the video game console in the living room. The player can choose between many 'titles'. Intermittently, various things can happen, like "do your homework", (player has to stop to do something like scribble on a paper), or the naggy younger sibling takes over the TV by changing the station to a little kid show. Then the player has to resort to the pop-up response screen for naggy younger sibling. Or the doorbell can ring and friends will come over and play sports or something.

I'm thinking about adding a 'School' level. What would you add to your pre-teen's game?

Don't even THINK about looking at this without your Kleenex.

2011-08-18T16:59:00.000-04:00

Welcomehomeblog is a site with a daily video of soldiers returning home to their loved ones. Many are surprises, some are just plain cute, and some are a wee bit goofy. ALL of them require a box of tissues. This one is my favorite, as a Navy Commander is welcomed home by his family in Hartford, CT. Everyone in the vicinity broke out in spontaneous applause at the beautiful moment unfolding in front of them.

It's all her fault, she made me do it.

2011-08-15T14:38:00.000-04:00

In January I made all this New Year's resolution about paying more attention to my blog. Looking back, it was probably the kiss of death to my efforts. Because you know as soon as you say something like that, its like a guarantee that it won't happen. The cosmos will align themselves just to make an ass out of you.

Divine has been on my case about not blogging in awhile. I think it's because she likes to read about herself, and somehow it's like peering into mommy's diary. Except it's not hidden in a nondescript drawer somewhere, but blatantly on the internet. Which, you would think, would take that whole 'peering' part out of it. As I type, she sits at the screen staring repeating every word I write. I wish she paid that much attention when I was actually speaking to her, like when I'm giving directions.

*Lightbulb pops*

Divine, go clean your room!

(Laughter, followed by crickets.)

Divine will probably be a future blogger. She's the one who waits until everyone is in bed, turns on her light, then writes all night. She has reams of stories and diary entries she keeps in her little Password Journal she begged me for a few years ago. See, she *thinks* I don't know. But staying in bed until 10 the next morning kinda gives her away. What I see though, is a budding writer. All the pencils down to the nubs hidden under her mattress testify to her need for expression. THAT is awesome.

What Divine doesn't realize is that as much as I love writing, time is a finite thing. When I enrolled my children in cyber school, I also became their teacher. Their education means more to me than anything in the world. My house may suffer, but it'll be a cold day in hell before I stand in the way of any doors of opportunity for their future. But Divine has taught me something precious...that I needed her to give me a swift kick in the ass to realize that blogging also sets an example, that life isn't just about them. There's a world outside of these walls they need to function in, that won't cater to their every need. There is also a need for some self-expression and fulfillment. So today I promised Divine I'd write a post. She smiled so wide I saw her molars.

Divine was recently diagnosed as ADHD. We started therapy last month, and it has really helped her with a lot of issues. One of them is valuing herself as an individual. Perhaps one of the best ways to do that is exemplify it.

Humbling

2011-03-11T19:20:00.000-05:00

Sometimes something bigger than your silly problems occurs and you remember how lucky you actually are. While we pumped out our basement today, fretted over not having heat and watched the floodwater rise, this morning's news brought the bleak horrors of what was happening to the people of Japan. They were hit with a triple whammy of natural disasters today, killing countless people. Please keep them in your thoughts and prayers. They've gone through things in one day most will never see in their lifetime. From a tremendous earthquake, to a tsunami, the massive whirlpool just off their shore, resulting in the subsequent fires and now a nuclear scare...they are a nation in severe grief. I can't even begin to fathom what they are going through.

I took pictures of the flood and will post them after I can download them off my camera. The power of nature is a fascinating thing. It can also be a deadly thing, as I was reminded as I watched the news early this morning. May the people of Japan be comforted during this most awful time.

A River Runs Through It (aka The Saga of My Basement)

2011-03-10T21:38:00.000-05:00

The thing about living near water is that every once in while, mother nature plays havoc with you. Which, when you think about it, is true about anywhere. Anywhere you live, at some point mother nature is going to send a few hazards in your direction. With the astronomical rainfall we've had this week, along with snowmelt, our creek will yet again overflow its banks. We've done all the preparing that can be done, so now it's just a waiting game. Because the creek has decided to wait until night time, we end up staying up a good chunk of the night making sure our furnace doesn't flood and short out. So we sit...and wait...drink some coffee...you get the idea. It's worrisome and boring all at the same time. So we decided to kick back and watch a few flicks in the meantime. Invite the neighbors, pop some corn...

Here's our movie list. Wanna come over and hang out?

1. 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea
2. A River Runs Through It (the story of my basement)
3. Titanic
4. 2012
5. The Poseidon Adventure
6. Watership Down
7. Dickey Moe - Remember this Tom & Jerry classic? My favorite part is when the harpoon rope wraps around the whale with Tom attached.
8. Jaws
9. A few episodes of River Monsters

The Fire Department was just by to inform us that the fire house will be staffed all night if we need to evacuate. Since that's right behind my house (and up the hill), I should still be able to catch my connection if the power is still on. Maybe I'll stream (buh-dum-dum) some movies off my Netflix account up there. Because everybody needs uplifting television, right?

I'll post some pics of the aftermath.

She's Got Brass Balls

2011-01-27T22:12:00.000-05:00

And now, the first winner of our Brass Balls award has one to show it off to the world. This award recognizes "an exemplary post that took an amazing amount of guts to not only type out but put out there for the world to see". When we introduced this award I wrote "There are plenty of people looking for attention through drama...but you can sense real from a mile off." It actually smacks you across the face and leaves you stunned. You feel the person's experience seep into you and it leaves you changed.

The first recipient is this post on Band Back Together titled "That Which is Left Behind, That Which Must be Said" by Guilty Squid. In her post she discusses the devastating loss of father's suicide, the isolation she felt because of it, and the taboo nature of suicide:

"Suicide is a topic that no one wants to be connected to. People don’t want to talk about it. They can’t hear about it. They don’t want to comfort you because they don’t know how. It’s not something that they want to believe can happen to you. They don’t know what to say. They don’t have the answers either, and that makes it difficult for them."

Honest and raw, Guilty Squid confronts her past and a subject very few will discuss. I encourage you to read the post in its entirety, as the point was to not only help others who have been in this situation, but to encourage those who may be on the brink to get help.

Guilty Squid, this award is given to you for the touching, honest and helpful way your piece was written. May it help others the way you intended.

Steeler Nation

2011-01-15T20:59:00.000-05:00

Divine and Little Man's cooking class wraps up this week, so I spent the day helping them make all the recipes they hadn't yet. Then taking pictures to record it. Helped Divine complete her final project, which is to make an entire meal with recipes from the class. She did a great job, but the piles of dishes loomed high after dinner.

Truth be told, we'd made 6 recipes for the class. I was dead tired.

For those who don't follow sports, it's NFL football playoffs. We're a Steeler house, which means my husband and Little Man were glued to the TV. After I'd finished the mountain of dishes strewn about my kitchen, I flopped into my chair in the living room. As is par for the course, Little T runs in seconds after my ass hits the cushion.

"Mom, can we have dessert?"

I told her to give me a few minutes. Steelers score a touchdown. A few plays later, they score again. Tie game. Awesome.

My husband pops up to get dessert for the kids. I get up to help him and he booms,

"SIT DOWN!"

He must've noted the confused look on my face.

"DON'T MOVE!! I'll get the kids dessert."

He's all emphatic about it too, pointing to my chair with authority and all that. Wow, it's nice to have someone step in to help out after you've had a hard day! Insisting I take a break? Cool! I know how much watching the Steelers in a playoff game means to him, so this must say a lot about how much he cares about me, right?

"The Steelers have been playing like shit the entire first half of the game. You sit down and they start winning. YOU CAN'T MOVE UNTIL THE GAME IS OVER!!!" (Arms waving, pointing to chair, arms waving some more.)

You take it where you can get it, right? The Steelers won too. Maybe I'll start bargaining for what I can get out of next week's game.

Luma/Patrick Star Cake

2011-01-11T23:42:00.000-05:00

I'm not really good at frosting cakes. So when my kids ask for a type of cake for their birthday, I get kinda nervous. Because what's in their mind's eye isn't in my 'mad skillz'. So when Little T asked for a Mario-themed cake, I was glad when she didn't give specifics. The Yoshi-head we attempted to pull off last year almost looked like he was turning into dracula. I'm still not sure how that happened; but it would have been cool if it had been Halloween. Which it wasn't.

But anyway.

One of our favorite games in our house is Mario Galaxy, so I decided a Luma would be perfect for our little star. Lumas are little 'baby stars' with cute little pot bellies. It was surprisingly easy, and the template can double for use as Patrick Star from Spongebob Squarepants. But (SHHHH!) don't tell my son because that's the cake he's getting for his birthday. He just doesn't know it yet.

I made the template for use with a 9" round and an 9" square pan. The 9" round stays completely intact. The square is what you'll create the head, arms and legs with.

Since Lumas have a pot belly, you don't have to trim the round when it comes out of the oven. I arranged my template on the square cake so the parts that connect to the body somewhat match the girth of the round at the connecting points, although you may have to trim these a little.

Lumas have very large dark eyes. They generally don't have a mouth, but do when they're sucking in the star bits in the game. Now black frosting is an option, but chocolate seemed so much easier. To make these, I used an oval template my husband had in his drafting materials and traced them on wax paper. Next re-trace your ovals with a black marker and let dry. Flip the wax paper over. Have a toothpick handy and melt some chocolate chips in a ziplock baggie, making sure as much air is removed as possible. Put it in the microwave at 15 second intervals until chocolate is just melted. Snip the corner of the bag and slowly squeeze onto your template, using the toothpick to get the chocolate to the edges of your ovals. For the star bits we used some 'flower' shaped sprinkles and placed them on the mouth. Stick in the freezer for a few minutes. When they come out they should easily peel off the wax paper.

Voila...your cake is ready to frost. Lumas are different colors, so it's suitable for a wide range of kids. And they're darn cute. After it's frosted place the eyes & mouth right on.

Panpakes

2011-01-10T06:40:00.002-05:00

'Panpakes' are Little T's favorite food. She still calls them 'panpakes' even though she's 7 and knows better. It just is and it's damn cute.

Today's post started out as a joke when I found The Batter Blaster. Because 'organic' pancakes should never come out of a whipped cream aerosol can. Somehow it seems more natural when I actually go through the process of putting ingredients in a bowl and mixing it together. I'd probably go through about a dozen of these babies just to feed my kids.

So as we perused images of T's precious panpakes, we found this precious Etsy shop with various patterns for sale. Definitely worth the look!

Then I found this very cute pancake bag...not for sale, but the person who made these did very fine work!

Did you know that Yankee Candle makes Maple Syrup Pancake candles? Little T tried to dig into her piggy bank for this one.

But this little stuffy has to be the cutest things I've ever seen:

Wishing you all a happy Monday morning. How about some pancakes?

Dysfunctional Jeans

2011-01-06T21:06:00.000-05:00

Some things defy explanation.

This is an actual pair of jeans my daughters received as gifts for Christmas. Yes, I was lucky to get two pairs of these. You may be thinking "Geez, Rys! KWITCHERBITCHIN!"

What's that? Let's see what that little tag says:

In case you couldn't read it, it says "THE DYES IN THIS GARMENT COULD RUB OFF ESPECIALLY WHEN WET. CARE SHOULD BE TAKEN TO PREVENT THIS GARMENT FROM COMING INTO CONTACT WITH LIGHT FABRICS OR UPHOLSTERY"

You know, shirts, chairs, couches, car seats?

They came with a disclaimer.

This has got to be the most rediculous thing I've seen in a very long time.

The beauty of jeans is that everything matches with it. They've effectively eliminated whites, yellows, and about half the color wheel. It's guaranteed disaster. Because little girls don't think of this stuff when they're yanking clothes out of their dressers. Nope, I'm lucky if they match. Am I really supposed to tell them "No honey, you can't sit on that tan couch"? By the time the words came out of my mouth they would have plopped their ass on it, probably leaving an indelible blue butt print. And you know it would have been, say, GRANDMA'S couch. It wouldn't be mine, because it's you-can't-stain-me-dark-brown, to go along with my marbly-brown-carpet-that-hides-everything-but-lime-green-play-doh. And yes, that's been proven. It's the kind of rug I could lose my cat in:

See? If it wasn't for that neon toy, Betty might be a pancake. But with kids, they'd never ever spill a drink on that rug. Oh no. It would be a big ol' glass on Mrs. Smith's sterile white rug, as the dye from the jeans left droplets of blue everywhere that make Stainmaster sorry they ever had guarantees.

Because that is reality. Which is why I returned them. With the tag prominently displayed.

Brass Balls and Brass Tacks

2011-01-04T23:48:00.004-05:00

Putting yourself out there for global view on the internet is a scary thing. Because even if you use a pseudonym, you still wrote it. You feel the words from the comments seep into you. Every piece you write is a part of you, whether it's a story or a fictional piece. It's your life or your creation on display for the world to see...like stepping onstage naked. Will the curtain rise to crickets chirping? An audience who laughs at you in ridicule or the way you intend?

For some writing comes very easy. They can entertain with their vignettes of playfully strung words. For others it's a difficult process as they agonize over topics and word choices. It takes brass balls to put yourself out there in any creative outlet, but in blogging we put our lives on display with every post.

That being said, before BlogHer last year I had this idea for a Brass Balls award. I bounced it off of Kristin, and the ideas just sprung to life. Bouncing back and forth we came up with a plan. Happily, that plan is about to come to fruition.

The Brass Balls Award itself had to have merit. Not just a pair of friends choosing from on high. We attempted to create a system to it. To achieve this, we enlisted the help of Aunt Becky from Mommy Wants Vodka to figure out how to get this off the ground right.  Kristin and I decided it needed a physical award too...a momento that recognizes, in its small way, that their courageous contribution was appreciated. So I collected some supplies and placed them into Kristin's magically crafty hands.

The recipient had to be an exemplary post that took an amazing amount of guts to not only type out but put out there for the world to see. As bloggers we virtually meet a lot of you through your blogs and comments; we travel with you through your trials and leap with you in your joys. But you can feel it when someone has really gone the distance and emotionally trudged themselves out. It took a set of brass balls to post it...to expose and share something about their life that's so close in such a bare and raw way. There are plenty of people looking for attention through drama...but you can sense real from a mile off.

This realness is what I think draws people to blogging. Real people discussing real life. We paint pictures with words...but it's the brass tacks that hold the canvas in place before the pretty frame hides it and hangs it on the wall.   Soon we'll be revealing the first recipient and unveiling the prize we've created to go along with it.

Caffeine Addict

2011-01-04T23:42:00.000-05:00

Lately, Divine's thing is to make the coffee. It makes her feel big, and since she was doing it anyway (which led to many, many post-cleanups), I taught her how to do it right. This way she could feel big, and having us 'ask' her to do it was better than getting spontaneous pots of coffee in the middle of the day. You ever get the shakes because you've just had way too much caffeine in your system? My eyeballs shoot in all kinds of weird directions. It's a scary thing to behold.

Anyway, this week my husband has been back to work. This means he gets up obnoxiously early, like around 4 in the morning. So when Divine was moping around looking for something to do, I asked her if she wanted to make a pot of decaf. I explicitly told her it was in the green container. She got all excited and skipped into the kitchen.

You think you know where this is going, don't you? Oh no, it couldn't be that simple. It's far worse than that.

Kristin from Dragondreamer's Lair sent me a link a few weeks ago for Kahlua-Espresso Chocolate Chip Cookies. You seriously need to check out this link...don't they look scrumptious? I combed two food stores for the Espresso powder needed to make them. I found a small jar tucked away on some unrelated shelf at the grocery store (NOT in the coffee section, where one would think it would be). I bought a small jar and put it on the very top shelf of the cabinet. Like one shelf higher than my regular cans of coffee are, as in, children would require a tall chair or ladder to reach it.

So I went in to pour my husband and I a cup of Divine's coffee. She was sitting at the table, beaming with pride as she announced that she used the special coffee called espresso. An 'oh shit' look poured over me as I peeked under the coffee maker lid in horror to see that it was indeed empty. (Espresso powder is instant granules). Judging by the jar, she used about 1/3 cup.

Oh yeah, we're wired.

And while I could have dumped the whole thing out and remade a pot of decaf, Divine would have been crushed. She saw look on my face and launched into apologies. She thought she was doing this really cool thing. She had no clue that Espresso was a fancy term for 'you'll be up all night' in a 12 cup pot.

Divine's mission is to revamp herself this year, and criticizes herself harshly. She was so disappointed when what she thought was so cool actually wasn't. Really it was just a learning bump in the road, and the last thing we wanted to do was crush her enthusiasm.

So we drank it.

With darting eyeballs, I can say that it tasted pretty good. Divine judged the amount perfectly.

New Year's Resolutions

2011-01-01T00:44:00.000-05:00

This year my kids decided they were old enough to ring in the new year...at midnight. I'm waiting for the crankies to set in, but they are convinced they should stay up out of sheer determination. It's T's first New Year's celebration and she's already thrown up her drink...of water. Her New Year's snack is Pepto Bismol.
Today they decided to try their hand at creating lyrics. They found a tune on one of their video games and created and started singing.

"It's complicated, Global Warming...
"It's something big...very confusing"

Those were the only lyrics, sung over and over again. The precious part? The tune they were singing to was called 'Cold Wind'.

Ah yes...since it's the time to write out those resolutions, this might be a good time for it:

So obviously my first New Year's resolution is to teach my kids to write lyrics about things they understand.
After two years, I'll finish stitching Tree of Life. I'm motivated because there's another piece I wanted to start but promised myself I wouldn't until I finished this one.
I'll pay more attention to the Clutter Queen. I've always wanted to spruce this little piece of online real estate...improve the design to something that's more 'me'. And certainly something more interesting. I'm striving for more time to actually write; because while the desire is there, the time usually isn't.

Wishing all of you a healthy, happy and prosperous New Year. May 2011 be easy to remember on your checks...because I always forget and write the previous year until like June...and then little scribbles on them crossing it out. Tipping my glass to you all!

Merry Christmas, Everyone

2010-12-24T20:50:00.000-05:00

After spending Christmas Eve cleaning like a madwoman, I'm as ready for Christmas as I'll ever be. The kids decorated the annual gingerbread house, and we're settling in to A Muppet's Christmas Carol with the kids. I hope everyone's Christmas is calm and peaceful. Merry Christmas, everyone!

Little Drummer Boy

2010-12-21T10:58:00.001-05:00

Little Man plays video games like he's never put a quarter in the machine. Because he never has. Since he thought my remake of 'Oh Christmas Tree' was so funny (since it was at his sister's expense), I decided to dedicate my latest one to him. By far his favorite video game is New Super Mario Bros. Wii. He's the kid who always has 99 extra Marios in his arsenal, and that's because the game won't allow him to collect anymore than that. We've nicknamed him 'Thumbs' after the most developed muscles in his body. (Actually, that's not true, we just tell him that) The 'clickity clack' is in reference to the sound the controllers make as he pounds them furiously during gameplay. Predictably, Little Man isn't very amused by my remake of "Little Drummer Boy":

Come, it seemed to say, clickity clack
A brand new game to play, clickity clack
Sucked into the screen, clickity clack
using my Wii-mote's beam, clickity clack,
clickity clack, clickity clack.

Who will I be today? clickity clack
When I play.

Mario rules, clickity clack
I am a hero too, clickity clack
Using my super skills, clickity clack
I hit blocks on the hills, clickity clack
clickity clack, clickity clack.

I will make Bowser pay, clickity clack
When I play.

One-up mushroom, clickity clack
This dungeon's filled with doom, clickity clack
The lava I must cross, clickity clack
To face the final boss, clickity clack
clickity clack, clickity clack.

The final boss I'll slay, clickity clack
When I play.

Hollywood Dream Pets and The 12 Days of Christmas

2010-12-16T22:00:00.000-05:00

As a child I saw TV shows and movies where the child in the story has a close special bond with a pet. They'd follow the kid around, slept in their bed, allowed themselves to be put in baby carriages, and other acts of indignity. The pet was cool with it because they loved the child that much. Or just had a tremendous amount of patience. Having grown up with animals all my life, I can't say I ever experienced such a thing. Now I had good experiences (I wasn't a schmuck or anything), but the sight of a baby carriage was enough to send any animal running. I learned from an early age that you had to respect your pet, and if he wanted space, it was wise to let him have it. So all those movies and TV shows that depicted differently seemed like a bunch of Hollywood bullshit to me.

As an adult I still love animals, especially my cats. My cats adore me because I respect their space, and they know I've got their back. It wasn't until a few years ago that I witnessed the Hollywood type of bond I've heard about.

A few years ago we adopted 2 female kittens. They were the last left of the litter, and I couldn't bear to leave only one there alone. One was a tiny runt. She wasn't much to look at, but I think all cats are cute, so that wouldn't stop me. Divine immediately picked up the runt and dubbed her Ariel, after her favorite Disney princess. Because she was 6, and that's what 6 year olds do. Ariel became the Hollywood dream pet in Divine's world. She'd put her in the baby stroller and push her around the house. Ariel sleeps on her bed every night even to this day, and when Divine carts her around the house in her arms, Ariel is totally cool with it.

I thought maybe it was in Ariel's personality, just laid back to allow herself to be mauled at will by a little girl. But as an adult cat Ariel deals out vengeance on her much larger-girthed sister when she's tired of her crap. Hands down Ariel is the best hunter, bringing us 'presents' of her conquests. She kicks ass. But NOBODY has her heart like Divine.

So this year Divine decided to write a holiday ode to her best friend. She wrote most of it, with a little help. (it's the condensed version, because the full one would be a little...repetitive)

Divine's 12 Days of Christmas

On the twelfth day of Christmas, Ariel gave to me:

Twelve shreds of toilet paper
Eleven packing peanuts
Ten cotton balls
Nine plant pieces
Eight bottle caps
Seven chewed pencils
Six twist ties

Five pieces of string

Four ponytail holders
Three hairballs
Two dead mice
And one broken ornament from my tree

It's that time of year again...

2010-12-15T23:43:00.003-05:00

Ah yes, break out your caroling clothes...it's time for a sing-a-long! Just shy of the 12 days of Christmas, (uh, 11 to go). It's time for a new round of traditional holiday tunes put to real life themes by yours truly. As you may know, Little T is my youngest daughter. When inspiration hit for this one, I didn't realize that the English version of this song has 7 verses. I managed 5, which I thought was pretty good. Maybe I'll add more later. Anywho, perhaps you can relate to my re-written version of "Oh Christmas Tree".

Oh Little T, Oh Little T,
Your whining sure annoys me.
You can't have every toy you see
advertised on our TV,
Oh Little T, oh Little T
your whining sure annoys me.

Oh Little T, oh Little T
that catalogue seems pricey.
Why is the picture that you bring
always the most expensive thing?
Oh Little T, oh Little T
that catalogue seems pricey

Oh Little T, oh Little T
they all have wee accessories.
Look at all those little parts,
Painful when I walk in socks.
Oh Little T, oh Little T
they all have wee accessories.

Oh Little T, oh Little T,
Yes, it sure looks real sweet.
Have you seen your bedroom floor?
all your stuff blocks the door!
Oh Little T, oh Little T,
Yes it sure looks real sweet.

Oh Little T, oh Little T,
We'll not succumb to pouting.
Little toys lost in your room
only get sucked in my vacuum,
Oh Little T, oh Little T
We'll not succumb to pouting.

Do you think she'll like my song? (Bwahahahahahaha! Yeah, sure she will!)

The Tassimo Brewbot

2010-12-10T23:49:00.000-05:00

Jen over at In One Ear is hosting a giveaway for the new Tassimo Brewbot. The one where it transforms into a really cute looking robot on the commercial, although I don't think that's part of the real deal. That would be totally cool though. Anyway...I love coffee. I do. I do. I do. Like my husband knows to get up before me, make the coffee, then bring it to my nightstand before I even set foot out of bed. Some may call that caffeine addiction, you may have other words to describe it, but in my house my kids told me in a picture:

My kids swear this is what I look like in the morning before I've had my coffee. And especially when I'm in a bad mood. (That's Stallord from Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess)

So needless to say, a sweet brewmaster like the Tassimo Brewbot system with it's cute little individual cups of brewing goodness would surely put me on cloud nine like say, every morning, right?

If you would like to win this baby, the links to the giveaway (and Jen's blog) are above. Good luck!

A Power Star Tree Topper

2010-12-06T22:37:00.000-05:00

When we first got married, we inherited an angel tree topper from a family member. Due to it's ancient electrical work inside of the 'candles' it held, it nearly caught on fire many years ago. Since, I've been on the hunt for a new tree topper to no avail. I wasn't real picky...not stuck on an angel, a star or anything else. Much to my disgust all the ones I saw in stores were either cheap looking, downright hideous, or just...blah. So the years rolled by without one. Because I'd rather have nothing than some cheap, boring piece of crap on top of my tree. And really, stuffing tree branches up an Angel's skirt is just a wee bit creepy.

This year, inspiration struck. I had designed and stitched this power star (from the Mario games) for my kids. After it was done, it sat in a drawer because I wasn't quite sure what to do with it. I spent part of the day doing the finish work. My kids were delighted to see it had become our new tree topper. Our tree is huge (it hits the ceiling), so I had to make it work. But I love the finished product. It's fun and original!

Bitchin Kitchen

2010-12-05T22:40:00.001-05:00

I caught Bitchin Kitchen for the first time last night and loved it! I never thought 'punk' could be married to 'cooking show', but that's what this is. Nadia G reminds us that we are the 'mistress of our kitchen' and has a fun, playful approach in her show. I've already talked about redecorating my kitchen `a la Nadia, but my husband seems to be against it. At least for now...

And the winner is...

2010-11-28T10:26:00.002-05:00

Congratulations to Kristin (@dragondream)! I'll be emailing you shortly!

edited: I took out the random number generator because it didn't do what it was supposed to do, which was show the winning number. Instead it just put up the generator without the pertinent information. The winning number was 4.

Spongebob & Scooby Doo Games Giveaway!

2010-11-17T21:01:00.000-05:00

The holidays are coming, right? Okay, I get it. Nobody wants to hear that. If you're like me, you're the one who stays home on Black Friday. Because I hate lines, and crowds and fighting to get stuff. I believe in the internet and it's ability to have merchandise magically arrive at my doorstep.

The good people at Pressman Games have given me the opportunity once again to have my lab rats...uhh I mean children, test out some new games for me and get some feedback. They are also offering one of each game to lucky winners!

The first game we've visited before, but this time in a new form: Spongebob Squarepants Mastermind Towers. I wrote a review for this game here, the only difference is that it's Spongebob characters on the tiles instead of animals. This, of course, thrills my kids immensely. Little Man is a HUGE Spongebob fan, and I don't have to listen to Spongebob's annoying laugh ad nauseum. Because while I'm much more tolerant of Spongebob than some parents (I actually love the show), we all have our limits. This game is great if you have a younger child with older siblings. Little T is easily able to get her siblings to play this game with her over and over again!

Hold On, Scooby Doo! is the next game. My kids didn't really get into Shaggy and Scoob on TV, but this game was a hit. There are plastic blocks that form a wall, with a Shaggy and Scooby plastic figurine in their classic terrified pose sitting precariously on top. Each player has a ghost 'hand' that they use to poke pieces out. The object is to not be the person who makes Shaggy and Scooby fall to the depths of your floor, table, box of Scooby Snacks, or what have you.

Kudos to Pressman for creating games that don't require batteries. YAY! My kids found Shaggy and Scooby to be amusing and had a lot of fun making them fall as well as not. But since two of my children lean towards hyperactivity and impulsivity, this is game that really helps them. It forces them to stop, think, and proceed with care. They get all excited when they realize they're still 'winning', but when it's their turn they find they have to poke the blocks out gently. Even when having to rebuild the wall after a round, they can't just pile them on, but carefully stack them on top of each other in the proper place (which is clearly identified). This would also help with fine motor skills. The blocks are bright orange, so finding them isn't too hard. Unless your decor is hunter safety orange or something. They're large enough for smaller hands, but not for the toddler set. And so far (knock on wood) they haven't lost a single piece, which is saying something because I pick up scattered toys all the time.

Pressman is once again offering one of each game to give away. If you'd like to enter, here are the various ways you can! (Each in a separate comment please) Good luck!

Mandatory: Tell me which game you're interested in and why. Because it amuses me. And it's okay to say 'Because I love Spongebob' or 'I always thought Shaggy was hot!' Please make sure I can contact you via email. My carrier pigeon hasn't been feeling well.
Follow my blog via Google Friend Connect.
Follow me on Twitter @amygdalarevenge
Tweet about my giveaway once a day for an extra entry.

This contest will run from today until November 27th. I'll announce the winners here on Sunday the 28th. I will email the winners, who will have until Tuesday before midnight to get back to me with the appropriate information. Pressman gave me both of these games to review. I'm not expected to return them, but give my honest review!

Truck Stop

2010-11-11T22:46:00.000-05:00

Tailights flickerin', as he pulled up to a truckstop

The same old crowd was hangin' out again tonight

He said, "Fill up my tank while I go check my load

It feels like it's shifting all around"

He was the kind of man, do all he could

Above all he had integrity

But he was so young

And on a ten city run

In love with a truck stop girl

As he went inside, he was merrily greeted

By the girl with whom he was in love

She held out a glass and said, "Have another

This is the last time we can meet"

With her hair piled up high and a look in her eye

That would turn any good man's blood to wine

All his eyes could see, well all his eyes could see

Was the stare from all those around him

He ran out to the lot, and climbed into his rig

And drove off without tightening down

It was a terrilble thing, to see what remained

Of the rig that poor Danny was in

-"Truck Stop Girl" written by Lowell George & Bill Payne

This week my husband has been gone on a business trip. Before he left, he joked about girls in truck stops. Somehow this was supposed to evoke jealousy. I don't think he expected the 'eeewww' look I shot back, which clearly said, "If you go there I am NEVER touching you again."

He was baffled.

In his 40 years on this earth perhaps he had tunnel vision set on the direct path to the bathrooms, or maybe he was blinded by the allure of the snack aisle to actually stop and LOOK at what truck stops are really like. Most of the time it's people milling in and out then going on their way. But the ones that hang out there? Voluntarily?

Maybe it's the male romanticism attached to it that was rightfully left in the late 70s.

As my husband drove home last night, his eyes were opened. He was approached by a 'truck stop girl' asking him if he was interested in a 'good time'.

"No thank you, my hands are cleaner."

Wild Recipes

2010-11-04T20:44:00.000-04:00

Warning: If you're pregnant or otherwise have a sensitive stomach, you may want to skip this one.

Today I found this site called Wild Recipes. It's full of gross stuff that people supposedly eat. It's chock full of submissions of recipes to make this stuff, if you desire having your stomach pumped. And yeah, there's an app for that too. So, say you're in your kitchen and have a burning craving for head cheese...BUT you forgot how to make it. Just whip out your iPhone and voila! Instant recipe!

Perhaps you're the guy that goes to the convenience store and heads to the fountain sodas in the back. You grab the largest cup, throw in some ice, then randomly squirt various amounts of each flavor into it. I actually know a guy who does this. He calls it 'Around the World'. But even if you bore of that, this site has a myriad of new drinks too! Like 'Peanut Butter and Coffee', or 'Coca Cola and Orange Juice'.

Kids tired of the same old PB&J? Spice up their lunch bags on this site! Peanut butter and dill pickles anyone? PB and mayo? PB and tuna? PB and bologna?

Numerous bugs also made the list. So if you're starving out in the woods, your iPhone can come to the rescue while you wait to be rescued!

I've never thought of myself as a picky eater, but after reading this site, I may be proud to be one.

Potty Mouth

2010-10-28T21:09:00.001-04:00

It all started because I've been on a quest to find a coffee mug that looks like a nuclear cooling tower. Since Amazon has everything, they were sure to have it, right? Instead, my husband finds this gem. Which in his own way, I suppose it fits the bill. As much as I love unique coffee mugs, even I'm not sure if I could drink out of this. The Toilet Mug has all kinds of suggestions to fill the 12 ounces of space inside the uhh...bowl. Like chocolate ice cream sundaes, chocolate milk, coffee, candy, and I would think some chocolate chips would be perfect for the veteran who wants to remember what it was like to eat MREs.

Think of it: it's The Oval Office for your mouth. A throne for your tongue. You could put your loose change in it and really flush your money down the drain. Of course, just by buying it you're doing that already.

Ahem.

Even worse, my husband had the thought to get one for Little Man...who actually said he'd drink out of it. Thankfully, cooler heads prevailed. Because that in my cabinet? Not happening.

Dear Maura Kelly & Marie Claire

2010-10-26T23:00:00.001-04:00

Dear Maura Kelly and Marie Claire,

Your article on the show Mike & Molly was like being strapped in a chair forced to watch 'Heathers'. First of all, I hate movies. I can't sit still long enough and my ample-sized behind gets bored very quickly. The abusive train wreck you called an article was nothing short of bullying. Even though Ms. Kelly wrote an apology, the cat's already out of the bag, hon. I'll draw your attention to your own words: "To be brutally honest, even in real life, I find it aesthetically displeasing to watch a very, very fat person simply walk across a room — just like I'd find it distressing if I saw a very drunk person stumbling across a bar or a heroine addict slumping in a chair." You say you're not size-ist? Are you fucking kidding me?!?! Maybe you should slip off your size 1s and put on 'snotty bitch'. And to be 'brutally honest', I hope my words hurt you, Maura Kelly. Then maybe you can feel the hurt your article evoked in those who may not be 'naturally slim' like your model friends. Because you see, many overweight people have been hurt, bullied, and humiliated more times than you can count. You made vast assumptions and stereotyped them with your keyboard.

You & I have something in common, Ms. Kelly. I don't watch much TV either. Like ever. You admit to never watching Mike & Molly...that's really a shame. At the risk of sounding condescending, it's a good idea to know what you're talking about before you write. I'm sure you could have caught an episode on You Tube or iTunes...any episode...and perhaps your article may not have been nearly as shallow as it was. It's what good writers do, even under a deadline.

I really hope that through this experience, Ms. Kelly, you can learn to put your prejudices aside. You've taken a lot of heat from your readership on this article, and rightfully so. It is indicative of the 'acceptable' forms of bullying that are alive and well in our society today. Whether it was your intent or not, that is precisely what your article articulated, even after your hasty backpeddling.

Halloween Pranks: Doggy-style

2010-10-19T13:16:00.000-04:00

Today was a typical morning. We were busy teaching the kids their lessons when Justice scratched at the back door to go out. He'd open it himself but we keep the doors locked. We let him out and he plays in the backyard with one of the miscellaneous sticks he finds. A little while later we hear a scratch at the door again, his sign to ask to come in. I opened the door, Justice picks up his stick and takes off back into the yard. He knows I won't let him bring sticks in the house, so I figured he wasn't done playing yet. Thirty seconds later, another scratch at the door. I open it and no dog. Through the window I can see him ducked around the corner with his ears perked up.

The little turd was playing ring and run.

He did this about 20 more times, obviously amusing himself. The amazing thing is that nobody ever taught him, he just made it up himself. Don't ever believe that dogs don't have a sense of humor.

Getting Laid

2010-10-12T13:32:00.000-04:00

Two weeks ago my husband was laid off from his job. We don't look at it as a bad thing, because his boss is a putz and we look at it as an opportunity to seek employment elsewhere. It simply needs to be managed. That being said, explaining this to the kids was a whole other matter. They are at an age where any deviation from the norm is a cataclysmic event. And let's face it, it'll be fairly obvious when they see Daddy home more often. They immediately freaked out, like we're going to be on the street tomorrow. We spent a great deal of time explaining that we just need to be careful about how we spend money. In other words, don't ask me for stuff.

Apparently though, the kids still think there is a giant crisis. For the past year my husband has been back in school. His student advisor calls him occasionally to see how things are going, and last time Divine picked up the phone. "You've gotta help my Daddy! He just got laid!!!"

Back to Work, People!

2010-10-06T22:47:00.000-04:00

After a heart breaking hiatus, Mr. Desktop and I are back on speaking terms now that he has returned from the hospital. He said something about 'exhaustion' and 'being worked to death'. It doesn't take him nearly as long to do or remember things, maybe because he heard me say that his next fate will be one of those recycling days they have around here periodically. (Who am I kidding? They don't have those around here.) Or maybe it's due to the extended vacation he decided to take and thus has more energy. But I did have to have his mother, brain and memory transplanted to get that kind of obdience coupled with a few threats.

After he came back, we had a meeting to update him. Since he couldn't remember a damn thing, that took all day. Then I had to teach him how to function. I pay for his food, which is unlimited. In an act of kindness, his health insurance from Norton was reinstated. I generously gave him an office with a window. And I do allow him contact with the outside world, he just has to share it...kinda like a party line.

But alas, there is unrest in the kingdom. The VP of Operations laptop is resentful for having to take on Mr. Desktop's workload while he was in the hospital. He says it's degrading that he doesn't have his own office or a desk, and wants to know why Mr. Desktop constantly needs bailouts. His workspace has TWO windows, and a soft cushy seat. Norton Health Insurance and all the food he can consume too. Until recently he only worked part time in the evenings.

The laptops in the education department are pissed too. They're angry that they don't get an office with a window or a Norton health plan. They tell me it's a 'Cadillac plan' and they're going to submit a grievance with the union. They just don't happen to like the Kaspersky plan issued to them by said union. They also seem to detest the Net Nanny system, muttering something about 'big brother watching'. I reminded them that when they chose to join the army of education laptops in the union, they had to abide by union rules and programming. They have the same food plan AND they only work 5 hours a day WITH summers and holidays off. Let's see if they can renegotiate THAT contract!

They heard me discussing getting a personal assistant one day, so they're all miffed. They want the important job, but nobody wants to do the work required. I'm a busy gal, you know. I need reliable help ready at any given moment when inspiration strikes. Why is good help so hard to find?

St. Elsewhere...as in NOT HERE.

2010-10-05T22:19:00.000-04:00

My computer needs a lobotomy, AGAIN. We spent the week attempting to breath more life in it to no avail. So yesterday I trucked it back to the computer hospital. After already installing a new motherboard, now it needs a new hard drive. While it's undergoing surgical intervention and probably a few hits from a defibrillator, I've been patiently waiting my turn for use of another computer. Which in this house means practically all day, cutting online time really short. With any luck, I should have it back tomorrow. And of course, barring anymore fatal errors. The next one may put it down for the count.

Flo Juggling

2010-10-01T06:00:00.005-04:00

So you're a guy planning your week.   Perhaps you're considering your social schedule and which girls you'd like to take out. What do you do?  Whip out your phone and hit your FloJuggler!

This is, perhaps, the most pathetic use of technology I've ever seen.  FloJuggler moniters women's periods, so men can plan their social lives accordingly. This quote from the site is priceless: "Flojuggler is for people who care about the women in their lives. It´s a fun and discreet way to handle a fact of life. Boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wives, and kids ALL track hella flos."  I can just imagine it...

Kid - Oh shit! Mom's period is due this week! Better plan a sleepover at Susie's this weekend...
Dad - Dammit!  Goin' fishing with my buds.
Postman - I'll  deliver those packages next week.

I imagine this nifty app just marks the calendar every 28 days. I don't know about you, but I'm not a 28 day girl. So for a guy's purposes I'm not sure this is nearly as efficient as they think it is. What is sad though, is that there is a use for this for women with medical situations that require them to know when their period may start. Not one piece of the site addresses THAT, which would be this app's redeeming quality. Which is a shame, because it would turn this into something noble instead of trashy if it was phrased as such. But perhaps this could be a piece of hidden treasure, because it's free. Give it noble meaning and there'd be a cost to it.

Chasers

2010-09-30T16:35:00.001-04:00

Justice has broken quite a few collars now. Today being the latest. After he broke the last one we bought a 'Kong' collar. They have excellent hard-to-destroy dog toys, so we thought it would work. Ha! After spending 40 minutes chasing that dog's sorry ass around the neighborhood, I sat down, out of breath and wrote Kong a very curt email. Their response was to throw the chain pet store they made them for under the bus. I forwarded the entire exchange to the pet store, and have yet to hear a response.
As I ran down the street to chase the dog, I yelled to Divine to call DH so he could come home to help me. Since he works around the corner, it shouldn't be a big deal, right? Divine was in class (cyber school), I told her to stay in class. My help never came. To say I was extremely pissed was an understatement.

Me: Did you call your father?!?!
Divine: Yeah, he said he couldn't leave right now.

Oh yeah, I was s.t.e.a.m.i.n.g...because Justice is HIS dog. I have severe back problems, so running around the neighborhood really put me in pain. Not to mention I still had to manage T and Little Man trying to 'help' me while I was scared shitless they would get hit by a car. I made an absolute spectacle out of myself screaming at them to go home while my pathetic ass is jaunting after a dog in my Birkenstock-ish sandals. I don't call him at work, let alone ask him to come home unless it's really necessary. Ripping him a new ass was next on my list. He got that 'I'd-better-keep-my-mouth-shut-because-she's-really-pissed' thing on. He supposedly had no clue I needed help.

Me: Divine, didn't you tell your father I needed him to come home to help me get the dog???
Divine: No, because it would be another car that might hit him!

Have you ever had a moment where you physically hit your head on something a few times? A wall? Your desk? It was all I could do. DH came home later and we had a talk with Divine about following directions. You know, hours later..because I needed time for the pain meds to kick in and that long to calm down.

I brought the collar back to the pet store, and let the manager know how the Kong company threw them under the bus. To their credit, they gave me a refund. Suffice it to say I did NOT buy another Kong collar. Think leather with a buckle.

Dear Irresponsible Neighborhood Parents

2010-09-27T06:00:00.003-04:00

Dear Irresponsible Neighborhood Parents,

When I became a parent, I fully expected that one day neighborhood children would eventually come to my house and ask to play with my kids. Which is no big deal, except I didn't think they'd start coming to my door at the age of FIVE.

I don't know who these kids are, I don't know where they (meaning YOU) live, and I've never met YOU. Call me an overprotective parent, but I don't let my children wander the neighborhood to go to people's houses I don't know. Your kids want to play with mine? Cool. Walk them over, knock on my door and introduce yourself. We'll probably exchange phone numbers. I might ask you where you live (since you obviously know were I live already), in the odd event your child might need something, or have an emergency.

But you didn't do any of those things, did you?

You see, I have this weird idea that if children are playing in my yard, I'm responsible for them. Which, strangely enough, is the reason I'd like you to notify me that they would like to come. But your children show up in my yard and I might not even know if they're there for awhile. Ever ask a five year old the names of his or her parents? Guess what they'll say? MOMMY AND DADDY. So looking you up is out of the question. Moreover, I'm not traipsing across the neighborhood with 4 children in tow looking for your house. In fact, one of you (because there is more than one of you that do this) stalks me for the sole purpose of sending your child into my yard. Without showing enough respect to ASK FIRST. You then somehow thought you had the right to act indignant when I yelled at you. My kids weren't even here. So what you thought your 5 year old child was going to do was beyond me, but you'd better consider it an act of compassion and generosity that I didn't call the cops on your ass. Which, next time I might, because I refuse to be held responsible for something I had no control over should something happen to your child.

I'm not your free babysitting service. It's that simple. Perhaps you thought that by not approaching me I wouldn't expect reciprocity. You're right, because I would never leave my precious children with an irresponsible douche bag such as yourself.

Angel Hair Pasta

2010-09-21T12:33:00.000-04:00

The cool thing about cyber-school is that they offer really cool courses the kids can take by choice. Mine were eager for 'Introduction to the Kitchen". The school sent them all these cute kid-sized kitchen supplies and they have to make certain recipes and stuff. So tonight we incorporated one of their dishes into dinner. We were having angel hair pasta as an accompaniment, which sent my kids into hysterics, because they couldn't understand where it comes from. For some reason 'it's just like spaghetti, only thin.' wouldn't suffice. So I told them that all angels have to be drug tested, and how they take a few hairs and it shows if they've been taking illegal drugs. Because G-d runs a clean shop, you know. After they're tested all of the hair goes to the factory to be boxed and shipped. You see, G-d is also environmentally concious and doesn't waste stuff. So it's recycled. Since G-d needs a lot of angels to run heaven and for all of the people all over the earth, there is ample supply. After it's shipped and bought, we boil it to rehydrate the hair and make it soft again.

With all the laughter, I would think that my kids got it that I wasn't serious. But I guess my explanation was a little more entertaining than 'flour and water, just in a different shape'. It's almost become a tradition in our house, much like when I had to explain yeast and how it works when I told Divine that bread farts. Or when my kids went through their picky eating phase and refused to eat mashed potatoes. Somehow renaming it 'dinner pudding' made it all acceptable and delicious. I don't get it, but hey, whatever works, right?

And the Winners Are:

2010-09-20T10:55:00.000-04:00

Congratulations to the winners of the Mastermind and Animal Mastermind Towers Giveaway! The winners are:

Mastermind - Jack

Animal Mastermind Towers - Jen from In One Ear

Please check your emails!

What's Behind Their Door

2010-09-19T14:50:00.000-04:00

Reminder: Today is the last day to enter the Mastermind and Animal Mastermind Towers giveaway! The contest closes tonight at 11:59 p.m. and the winners will be drawn tomorrow Best of luck to all!

Today I'm donning my bio-hazard suit and tackling the kids' rooms and closets. Perhaps you can relate to this scene, where you've asked your children to put away toys, clothes, books, pet dinosaur or what have you, only to find them under their beds, furniture, rug, crammed somewhere or still on the floor. Then somehow they're shocked when I tell them to clean it, because after all...they already did.

As parents, we all know that effectively cleaning your child's room requires a trash bag, which horrifies them. Because they to keep everything. Chewing gum from Kindergarten, every art project, and every paper they came home with since preschool. There's nothing wrong with memories, but the sheer amount is staggering and it's usually covering up the snack bowl from last month. You've been wondering where that bowl went, along with the ear thermometer, Q-Tips, a few cups or soda cans which you've knocked over at least one over with your foot. Because no matter how many times you've explicitly told them not to have food and drink in their rooms, they don't remember or 'forgot'. And so, now you're thinking about pest fumigation. Despite their protests, their rooms are not a petrie dish or a massive ant farm experiement no matter how many times they attempt to convince you that they're budding scientists.

To ease your eardrums, perhaps you're waiting until they're not home and therefore cannot interfere with your efforts. The horror on their faces as they enter their new sparkling abode is worth capturing. Keep the cameras rolling while they yank open each drawer in shock, followed by heavy sighs. Perhaps you've heard them yell "It's MY room and YOU had NO RIGHT in here!" You know, as if they're not living in your house that you pay for, or the impending rodent and insect infestation wouldn't affect you. My kids have actually attempted to save their crap from the trash. I just laugh, and remember that one day, it will be THEIR home and THEIR kids. Somehow that makes it all better.

I'm Your Twit

2010-09-16T10:00:00.002-04:00

When it comes to social media, I'm road stain on the information superhighway. Not road kill, because that infers that it's slow, but still fresh. I'm the one that's been run over so much there's nothing left but a few squashed bits. When My Space was all the rage, I was the last of my friends to sign up. It was listed under the name of a character I played on an online game. Because really, I don't want people knowing my real name or my location unless I want them to know. And if I do, I'll just tell you. Then like a week later it was all about Facebook. I dug my heels in for years about that. I didn't start that until last year, and I use my nom de plume over there. But no, a first name alone wasn't enough for Facebook. I had to come up with a last name too, which didn't exist. Since Kristin and I are SBC's (Sisters by Choice), I asked her if I could use her maiden name. I mean, being sisters on Facebook is almost as good as being sisters in real life, right?

Now it'a all about Twitter. Well it has been for awhile, but I dug my heels in about that too. There's nothing I feel compelled to say in 140 characters or less that I want to share with the entire world. It's a shame they're not called 'twits' that appear on your 'twit deck'. That would be far more amusing. It also seems like you need to meet an endless amount of requirements to enter blog contests. I get it to a degree, because companies want exposure for their stuff, and the more traffic a blog has equates to the amount of companies that want to do business with you.

Maybe that's the part I hate about all this the most: blogging has become more about marketing and less about communicating something. I'd like to think this blog will grow because of merit, not because I'm giving away free stuff.

On the same token, it has provided a pretty ingenious way for people to build themselves professionally. As a stay at home mom, I don't want to wait until I'm 50 and then attempt to contribute to the world starting at zero again. So I try to balance it all out in my mind. I realize people have bills to pay and there's nothing wrong with using the current structure to benefit one's self. So I guess it's about reconciling principles with the realities of life. I want to have both, and I think I can. And . so . with . much . prodding . and . heel . dragging . kicking . and . screaming ... ... I ... signed .... .... ... up.

I'm your new twit: @amygdalarevenge

It's from my other blog, Amygdala's Revenge.

My First Power Tool

2010-09-15T06:00:00.002-04:00

My husband is in construction. That means that we have power tools coming out our wazoo. He has 6 drills, and he swears that each have their own unique purpose. AND he wants to buy more one day. His tools fill the basement in an obnoxious manner, and to tell you the truth I don't know if I could use any of his stuff let alone find it.

So imagine my husband's surprise when I saw this and wanted it. It's a Dremel cordless 7.2 volt rotary tool. It's small and I can hold it like a very large pencil. He was so giddy with excitement he never stopped to really inspect why I would want such a thing. It came with all these little attachments that I think will be pretty useful. I don't drag out his crap to do household fix-it stuff, because if I did, it would have to be managed with the curious trio looking to snatch it up as soon as my back was turned because they want to help, you know. Anyway, Hubby was busy whipping out his wallet, eager to release my inner Amy Matthews with uh...7.2 volts of power. It came with a kit that had all these different attachments. Not having a clue about what they did, I spent 2 hours reading about them on their picture pamphlet. Which is good because I need pictures. I've already used the paint stripper tool because we have posts on our back porch that we want to paint, but they're decorative. So the little tool is perfect for all the decorative grooves and such.

But that's not why I wanted it.

I want it to make kick ass jack o lanterns this year. You just can't sell the idea with a once-a-year use. Not that Hubby cares, because it's like a gift-by-proxy. And it's a tool that he didn't have.

Teaching September 11th.

2010-09-11T23:07:00.000-04:00

Divine was just a baby when the towers fell on September 11th. She was oblivious to the silence while Hubby and I stared at the TV in disbelief. She had no clue that her grandpa worked just a few blocks away for the NYPD. We sat in silence in our living room, while the clocked ticked waiting for the phone to ring letting us know that my FIL was okay.

Since then, my children have known we've been in a war against this thing called 'terrorism' in far away lands. Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Yemen and Iran are only places they've seen in excerpts on the news. They've seen the pictures their grandpa took of Ground Zero and the blown out windows from the surrounding buildings. But they don't really understand it. They didn't grasp that the planes and buildings were filled with people, ordinary citizens just going about their lives.

Divine and Little Man watched the memorial services and the time line on TV. It wasn't to scare them, but to give understanding about what they see on the news. My FIL graciously answered their questions, with his grandpa understanding. He's really good at explaining things to the kids in an objective manner. Little Man was angry they had never taught him this at school, but I explained that it could be very frightening to some kids, like his little sister. T wasn't part of this because she's very sensitive. In a few years maybe she'll be old enough, but not now.

I want my children to understand that freedom isn't free. They saw the brave heroes who gave and risked their lives to save others, and that the actions of a few can't destroy us as a nation. We were very specific about the perpetrators...because ultimately those involved in planning and carrying out attacks are to blame alone. There was a dichotomy in that day, of those seeking to destroy, and those who gave all to save others. People they didn't know and had never met before. We can't control others, but we can make a difference. In life, we serve as either an example or a horrible warning.

Mastermind and Animal Mastermind Towers Giveaway!

2010-09-08T06:00:00.002-04:00

While at BlogHer '10 I had the opportunity to meet the cool people at Pressman Games. While I'd heard of the company, I'd never played the games they had on display: Mastermind and Animal Mastermind Towers. I'm always on the lookout for interesting games that challenge my children to think and figure things out. It also needs to be a game that won't bore them easily and they can play together without fighting. I can say that both of these games exceeded my expectations. They are age appropriately challenging and as any parent can appreciate, don't require batteries!

Animal Mastermind Towers is for ages 6 and up. Little T loves this game because it's equally interactive on both sides. Nobody has a 'better' or 'more important' role in the game. Both players secretly stack their animal tiles in their tower. They each receive cards that tell them which animals are in the other player's tower, but not in what order. Players must take turns asking each other if a tile is above or below another. They then use the cards to help themselves figure out what order the other player's tiles are stacked. What's cool about it is that my older children are willing to play this game with Little T, and she loves to bring it out when friends come over. The rules are simple and easily explained, and they must take turns. Pressman also has popular character versions available, such as Spongebob. In most games Little T is easily outmaneuvered by Divine and Little Man due to better coordination or developmental abilities. But in this game everyone is on equal footing.

Mastermind is for ages 8 and up, although Little T (age 6) easily understood the game. At one end the 'Code-Maker' arranges 4 pegs of their choosing behind a little shield. At the other end, the 'Code-Breaker' places pegs to guess the code. The only clues they would get is which pegs are correct, or right color wrong place. They continue to guess until they break the code. Players take turns in the roles of code-maker and breaker. The player who breaks the code in the least amount of turns wins. Divine, Little Man and Little T have played this game for hours. They giggle while the 'breaker' guesses, and applaud victories. They get a charge out of playing both roles, so there's no fighting over who gets to be what. I like that the kids have to use decoding skills, and that since it changes everytime, it never gets boring for them.

Pressman Games was not only nice enough to send me these games to try and review, but also offer a giveaway for one of each game! To enter, you need to do the following:

Comment and tell me which game you would like to enter to win.
Follow this blog on Google Friend connect.
Do ten jumping jacks. (I'm just kidding, but don't you feel better now?)

I will announce the winners on Monday, September 20th. Good Luck!

Disclosure: Pressman Games gave me these games for free for review and I'm not expected to return them after the review period.

Glitter

2010-09-01T06:00:00.001-04:00

I hate glitter. If there is an art supply every mother hates, glitter is it.

One thing about home or cyber schooling is that there are some lessons you have to do hands-on. The school sends me a giant box for each of my children with wads of supplies in them...crafting supplies, clay, construction paper, crayons, colored pencils, glue, pipe cleaners, glitter and whatnot.

I got the brilliant idea to do recycling art. Each of them had an empty tall Prin.gles can and went to town on it. And that they did. T made a telescope and Little Man made a musical instrument of sorts. And you bet they wanted to decorate the snot out of it...with glitter. So I opened one container and told them to decorate them outside.

Late this afternoon I noticed my front porch was covered in gold glitter. My kitchen sink had glitter all over the inside, including all over their snack bowls and juice cups that were in it. But I'm thankful. I'm thankful for my wonderful faucet that has the spray hose option that Hubby installed last year, and that glitter will go down my drain. I'm also thankful that glitter will sweep off my front porch. The worst that will happen is that Hubby will be covered in 'magic fairy dust' when he mows that section of the lawn. But mostly, I'm very thankful that there was only 4 ounces of glitter in that container.

Growth

2010-08-30T06:00:00.002-04:00

This has been 'that' year, the one where you have to have the 'talk' with your first child. It's always a crapshoot as to how your child will react to the discussion of puberty. Since Divine is our first, I took on that responsibility.

I combed through books on the subject, looking for one that struck the right note. The right note meaning that becoming a woman was something to celebrate, not something to dread or feel weird about. After we talked, I presented her with the book so she would have her own resource, to cover anything I might miss or she could review on her own terms. She loved the book, and I reminded her that she could always come to me with questions or concerns, and she has. I'm very proud of her, and is very excited by the prospect of growing up.

Yesterday we went shopping, and Divine asked me to buy her first bra. I remember shopping for my first bra (what girl doesn't?)...I HATED it. I remember being completely embarrassed, although in retrospect I had nothing to be so self conscious about. Here Divine was ASKING, even though her little sister was with us. She made a beeline to the intimates section and held a fuschia D cup to her chest. "Whaddaya think, Mommy?" Little T grabbed a giraffe print (YES, freaking GIRAFFE PRINT) from the rack. "What about this one???" As I attempted to corral them into the grow-bra section, Hubby and Little Man came by to see how we're doing. (Could this get any worse? Oh, you bet it can!) Little Man son snags a lacy white bra, puts one of the cups on his head and tells Hubby "Look Dad, I'm Amish!" "So who's the other one for?" "My evil twin!" Little Man cracks himself up holding over the cart. My kids know no shame.

We eventually find the section that caters to younger girls. Divine is delighted with the cute prints and selects one with peace signs on it. Little T begs me for one too, even though she's far from ready, with little stars on it. Today they donned them proudly, showing off their 'boobers' (umm...padding).

Goodbye Summer

2010-08-26T06:00:00.000-04:00

This is the last week before school starts on Monday. I love summer because it's the only time of the year when I don't really have to 'pay' for staying up late to do things like read blogs, or actually write in peace. Since my children attend a cyber school, lately we've been receiving their books and supplies in the mail. It's almost like Christmas for my kids, and in a way I'm thankful that they're excited to rip open the boxes in anticipation for the new school year. Perhaps I'm doing something right in that my children are excited to learn again, something they lost in the local school district. Next week we'll be back on a schedule, early bedtimes and homework duty.

But for the next few days, I'll cherish the 'me' time I have left before the insanity begins again.

Roughing It

2010-08-20T07:18:00.004-04:00

Divine left for camp this morning. She'll be going to a Girl Scout camp with platform tents and hopefully flush toilets. Last year their version of the girls 'showering' was dousing them with dish soap and sending them down the slip n' slide a few times. It was one of Divine's favorite things about it last year; I just made a mental note to have her take a real shower when she gets home.

The past two days were spent scrambling to find all the stuff people only use when going to camp, like mess kits, dunk bags, and bug spray. We had to find another flashlight when we realized that if Divine accidentally dropped Hubby's mag-lite, someone might get their toes crushed. Anyway, the camp had a list of things the girls should and should not bring. Everything on the NOT list were all things Divine was sure she needed. Like a cell phone. Because despite her ferocious independence, she needs mommy and daddy to say goodnight or her day is not complete. And her fashion sense certainly didn't allow her to wear t-shirts, she needed the tank tops that were in the 'no' column. Any why can't she wear her pretty sandals instead of boring sneakers?!?! SOCKS?!?! And why only ONE stuffed animal?!?! I assured her that it was only three days, and she would survive.

After all of the appropriate items were packed, we brought her bag by the door as to be ready. Something told me to check it last night. Divine had an ARMY of stuffed animals, toys, her iPod, and various other items from the 'no' list. We just took them out and decided not to say anything. Then we locked the bags in the car.

This morning at the drop off, one of the other mothers, a friend of ours, asked if Divine had grown a tail. Sure enough, she attempted to hide yet another stuffed animal in her skort.

Maybe my little girl will never be the kind who will enjoy 'roughing it'.

Low T

2010-08-18T06:00:00.000-04:00

Little T is 6. She bursts into our bedroom where my husband was studying.

Little T: "Daddy I know what your problem is, YOU HAVE LOW T!!!"

She jumps on the bed clamors on top of him.

Little T: "Look, now you have HIGH T!"

Somebody really needs to get a handle on when these types of commercials air. Seriously.

BlogHer'10 - The Mature Edition

2010-08-13T13:01:00.000-04:00

BlogHer '10 was an amazing experience. I was able to spend time with my best friend and sister by choice, Kristin from Dragondreamer's Lair. We haven't seen each other in a few years, and it was wonderful to hang out on our schedule, instead of our kids'! The fabulous women we met along the way were amazing. Creativity, possibility and writing are exciting, and to witness so much of it under one roof in so many facets was just thrilling.

The sessions were very interesting. I attended Dear Abby 2.o -Advice on the internet hosted by Becky Sherrick Harks and the ladies from The Mouthy Housewives. They were hysterical!
I also attended "Grief, Loss, Tragedy and Community on the Internet" hosted by Cecily Kellogg, Loralee Choate, Kim Trimble and Anissa and Peter Mayhew. A very touching and eye opening discussion. Cecily was a fantastic moderator and the tears welled in my eyes several times. Anissa stated "Those who think blogging isn't important can kiss my ass." I couldn't agree more.

The parties were a blast. On Thursday we went to The People's Party, which was quite lively and met lots of great people. We were honored to make tutus for the 5K race Tutus for Tanner. Later was Queerosphere, which had a quiet, intimate atmosphere. Given it has been such a busy day, it was the perfect ending. Sparklecorn was brilliant! By far the best t-shirts of the conference that read "Judy Blume never prepared me for this." We made glo-stick jewelry, took pictures next to fun standees, and ate white cake with peanut butter and jelly filling...until CheeseBurgHer! I'm still hopeful I won the hat contest...

There was a LOT of swag. Now admittedly I love free stuff. I'm glad I brought the enormous bag with the expandable zipper, because I barely got it closed. My kids loved it, and the flash drives and little mice (for laptops) are very useful. It brought the conference home to my family to a degree.

The most touching was the Keynote of the International Activist Scholarship Winners for this year. These are women who risk much just to express their voice and bring it to the public. Imagine being silenced, or someone constantly trying to silence you. They have immense courage to stand up in their societies. Please check out Humanity Ashore, Mideast Youth, Mujeres Libres and The Afghan Women's Writing Project.

On a personal note, BlogHer was the first time I allowed my picture to be taken in public. This may sound trivial to you, but having my picture taken makes me extremely uncomfortable. Inter-personally I'm pretty outgoing, but break out a camera and I'm out of there. I'm still not brave enough to go in front of a video camera, but just getting in front of the camera is progress.

Good Morning Sunshine!

2010-08-09T13:18:00.000-04:00

I came home last night from BlogHer '10. We met a sea of incredible bloggers; I came home with a stack of business cards from them! Some have requested that I don't put photos of them online, therefore I will respect their privacy and requests. There is LOTS to talk about, but this is more of a light post from the perspective of what my kids were dying to know about BlogHer.

Divine, Little Man & T were thrilled to see me and hear all about NYC adventures. They were thrilled to see the pics as I shamelessly name dropped who I got to meet. First up of course, is The Sun from the Jimmy Dean commercials. After the sun rose, we had breakfast.

Bruce Jenner was representing Tropicana. Admittedly the only person who was mildly impressed was Little T, because she drinks orange juice everyday. So I had to explain that he was an Olympic track & field star, because my children are blissfully ignorant of the Kardashians and I didn't want to have to get into that. They understand the Olympics.

After breakfast we watched some morning TV.

Who can resist Elmo? Well, T is partial to Dora...

Then it was time for lunch.You're darn right that's me pressing his belly! Then we decided on some video games:

They also had a stage set up for people to play Just Dance. I applaud anyone who had the cojones to get up there and shake it. When I dance it looks like a marionette with somebody else yanking on the strings, which Kristin forced me to display at one of the parties we attended in the evening. Speaking of parties, my kids were MOST jealous of CheeseburgHer, because it's in their wildest dreams to be in a party filled with tables of McDs food. I assured them that I did my best in the paper hat contest (making the best hat possible from a McD's bag), because that's like a week's worth of happy meals paid for.
The swag item my kids were most impressed by? Play-Doh perfume. They're a strange bunch.

My bags are packed!

2010-08-04T21:36:00.000-04:00

I leave in the morning for Blogher! I can't tell you how excited I am; the idea of spending a few days away is SWEET! If you're going, I'll be the one hobbling around. I sprained my ankle the other day AGAIN. Yes, again. Like the 15th time in 5 years. This time wasn't as bad as others, so I'm pretty thankful. It's still a bit stiff, and to tell you the truth I'm not looking forward the extensive walking in NYC. But I've brought some meds to cope with that, and it's obviously not stopping me!

Little T isn't taking the news too well that Mommy is going away for a few days. She's been mopey now that it's drawing near. Divine just says "Mom, bring me swag." In typical boy fashion, Little Man hasn't said a word. As long as he isn't separated from his Wii, all is right in his world. Besides, this isn't the first time I've gone away for a few days, despite Little T's reaction.

I'll be posting pics as I can!

Separated At Birth?

2010-07-30T13:04:00.000-04:00

Here we have Food TV's Alton Brown and musician Thomas Dolby. Uncanny.

Everyone's Normal Until You Get to Know Them

2010-07-28T21:51:00.000-04:00

What is normal? As kids we think we know...it's whatever we grew up with. That was our normal. Then we get to school and compare ourselves to others and television to figure out yet again what normal is. Was it designer jeans in the closet? (Showing my age here...) The brand of shoes on our feet? Having the latest technology? At some point I remember a kind of shock to learn that not everybody had a fully stocked bar in their house. Everyone that I knew did (well, their parents did), and my neighbor had a tap. It wasn't odd for some of my friends to have wine with dinner, because in their cultural upbringing it was the acceptable thing to do. It wasn't until later in life after witnessing a few jaws drop that I came to realize not everyone grew up that way.

After Hubby came home from work today I showed him the results from the ADHD test. He found it a bit humorous and said it 'explained some things'. Since he's known me for a long time, I asked him to be the second opinion. He answered the statements and scored it how he saw me...until question 17.

There is a lot of 'static' or 'chatter' in my head.

Besides not having a telepathy helmet, he was baffled by the statement. Completely lost. I understood what chatter was without looking it up, because it's something I can't get away from.

Me: You mean you can turn your brain off anytime you want?

H: Yeah. (said matter-of-factly, with a 'Why can't you?' tone.)

Well I can't. It's always been that way, so I don't see it as anything but normal. I don't understand how someone can will their brain to turn off. Perhaps that's why I'm a night owl. Engage my brain to exhaustion, then there won't be a lot of time between hitting the pillow and sleep, thereby circumventing it. Because maybe I can't shut it off, but I can direct it. Which brought us to this statement:

My thoughts bounce around as if my mind is a pinball machine.

Hubby couldn't comprehend this one either. Probably because he can will his brain off. Something, anything from whatever environment I'm in will trigger a ping in my brain and connect it to something in my memory, which will in turn ping and connect it to something else, then something else, then something else. There are rational connections, but unless you were there you probably wouldn't understand them. And to explain it? By the time I've ping-ed about 5 times only a few seconds have passed.

Now a simple online quiz really doesn't say much, other than call the doctor I can't afford. I've been down the ADHD route with my son, who was completely misdiagnosed. The medicines they kept trying nearly bankrupted us, which amounted to teachers attempting to force compliance out of a bright child who simply wouldn't tolerate their busy work. So after witnessing the process, I'm leery of the whole thing. It reminds me of the depression medication. So for now I'll do some more reading, see if this fits (or I'm just really off my rocker), and look into attempting the 'lifestyle' and 'organizational' changes that supposedly help. Of course if I could do those things, I probably wouldn't be here today in the first place.

You've Been Warned...

2010-07-27T23:10:00.000-04:00

While aimlessly surfing the web, I came across this test and decided to take it. The results really aren't that surprising...I mean, I don't call myself a clutter queen for nothing. But on the results page it actually encourages you to copy the code out of the box and put it on your website. As if you'd want to advertise such a thing. I imagine the graphic is a misfiring neuron or something, maybe ready to explode.

Now I realize that ADHD is a serious thing, and I'm not making fun of that. My score was through the roof and I probably need to do all the things it says to do. It would probably answer many things about my life. I'm just not sure that putting their graphic on my page is it.

The Sound of Silence, Blogher Style

2010-07-21T04:44:00.000-04:00

Last year Hubby and I wrote all these Christmas Carol parodies for our kids. It was a joke, and Kristin egged me on to post them. Truth be told I was too chicken shit, because some stick-in-the-mud would think I was abusing my kids. In reality they just rolled their eyes and went "MOM" in that way where it has two syllables instead of one. Inspiration strikes in weird places. Today 'The Sound of Silence' rolls through my head, Blogher style, complete with alternate ending:

Hello Kristin, my old friend,
We get to share a room again,
At the Hilton in big New York,
and now I'm feeling like a real dork
And the conference
we've come miles to attend,
my best friend,
is known as Blogher

We entered through the doors and saw,
Ten thousand women maybe more,
I screamed "Holy hormones, Batman"
"I think I need to pop some Ativan"
The elevator crammed
while piped-in muzak played,
Our nerves were frayed,
In all the bustle
of Blogher

We went to seminars galore,
Met new friends at Sparklecorn,
"Did you get a lot of swag?"
"How will it all fit in my bag?"
While the bathroom lines
drastically increase in length,
I've got the strength
To wait my turn
at Blogher

Having to call my man was hard,
I think I maxed my credit card
Times Square and 5th Avenue,
I don't have a single clue
how to continue
after eyeing all that swank
And so my bank
just adores Blogher

We pack our things with a slight frown,
My bag weighs a thousand pounds,
After lunch with A.L.I.,
we said our goodbyes
embracing friends
we've just met face to face,
I've made my case,
to return
to Blogher

alternate ending:
How did we end up here in jail?
I hope our husbands can post bail.
Did it happen with our consent?
We meant no malicious intent
The experience would cement this in our brain,
While we refrain
from blame
at Blogher

Attraction Attachment

2010-07-17T19:15:00.000-04:00

Divine likes to watch Animal Planet. As we drove down the road, she announced she finally understood the difference between boys and girls.

Me: "Plumbing." (standard answer)

Divine: "No, Mommy...it's their BUTTS."

Hubby: (muttering) "...oh my god..."

Divine: "On Animal Planet I noticed it on the puppies! The boy puppies have attraction attachments on their butts so the girl puppies will notice them. It's the fuzzy sack in between their legs, and the darker it is the more the girl puppies are attracted to them!"

Hubby: (snickering) "I smell a blog post coming..."

Truly, what can you say to that? Without launching into a very inappropriate conversation in the presence of her younger siblings?

Cookies in the Car

2010-07-14T11:30:00.000-04:00

During last week's heat wave, Kristin casually mentioned the idea of baking cookies in the car. I decided to actually try it. Little T thought it was 'stupid', Hubby thought I was nuts, and the secretary at his office laughed. Divine and Little Man were into it because they wanted cookies. But I didn't do it just for a fun household experiment. See, Little T loves to sneak off and play in my car. She can't understand why this is a problem, even if we find her with sweat pouring down her face. Once she locked herself in Hubby's truck and couldn't get out. Lucky for her we regularly keep tabs on where they all are at all times. At 6 a numerical temperature means nothing to her, so I had her shadow me during our experiment. I wanted to show her that the inside of a car can indeed get as hot as the inside of an oven.

We decided on chocolate chip cookies. Overall the experiment worked. The cookies took longer than the '1 hour' it suggested, but the tops did cook and set. Underneath they were very soft, but it didn't seem to stop everyone from gobbling them down. Most of all, Little T got my point. Fingers crossed, so far it has kept her out of the car!

Awesome Week Ahead!!

2010-07-12T22:19:00.000-04:00

For the first time since Divine's birth (she's my first), ALL of my children will be away, regularly, for an ENTIRE 5 DAYS. They're going to a summer day camp! Maybe I should explain why this is so thrilling, other than the obvious...

This little blog is what it is...the confessions of a clutter queen. There's a ton of it in my wee house and it drives me crazy. With 3 kids here all the time (literally), there isn't much breathing room or time to keep after it. I told myself that last September would be my opportunity to finally get this place under control. Little T (my youngest) would enter Kindergarten. But then IT happened. My infamous run-in with the local school that caused me to pull all of my children out and enroll them in cyber-school. While cyber-schooling has done wonders for my children educationally, the house fell into complete disarray. No exaggeration. So while my kids are completely stoked to go to camp, they're quaking in their flip flops because mommy is going through their rooms this week. Well, my daughters anyway. As soon as they came home my girls bolted to their rooms:

Divine: "MOM! Where are my companions?!?!?!?!?! Where is Sweetie's locker?!?! WHY DID YOU MOVE MY STUFF???!!!???"

Me: "I have no idea what you're talking about, and I moved your stuff because the dust bunnies are plotting a hostile takeover. I destroyed their fortress they made from the toys you left on the floor."

Little T: "MOM! Where is B-100????"

Me: "Who?"

Little T: "You KNOW, B-100!"

I really have no clue 'who' they're talking about. They give their animals names, then use it as an excuse to throw a toy grenade on their floor. It explodes in all of those tiny parts that frustrate you on holidays because you have to unravel each piece from the twist ties in the packaging. Of course there's already a drawer in place for these items. There always has been. Did they look there? Or under their beds and furniture where they cram stuff and think I don't know? Nah, it's just easier to yell MOM!

Meanwhile, Little Man comes in the house and walks directly to the video game console. He's completely unconcerned.

Little Man: "Mom, can I have a snack? I'm hungry."

The funny thing is that I really didn't spend much time in their rooms at all. I collected the stray clothes they didn't manage to put in the basket so I could finish the laundry. Maybe that was enough to disturb the delicate balance (or eco-system) of my girls' room. Tomorrow is the day I actually enact my assault on their rooms. I'm planning my arsenal as we speak, because there is concern over what the dust bunnies could do with all of the lost Legos on Little Man's floor. But today a smile plays on my lips because the kids were truly entertaining, and I didn't even do anything yet!

Depression Sucks

2010-07-09T00:01:00.000-04:00

I've battled depression for a number of years. Depression isn't something you wake up with one day or decide on. It's years in the making. Some would argue it's your outlook on life, at some point you stop looking for the positive. Maybe for some it's a single cataclysmic event or a series of them. I can't answer any of that. I've read lots of blogs...people dealing with serious, horrible issues, and their strength amazes me. I don't know if their writings are reflective of who they are or if they're just putting on the happy face. I know I'd like to think it's who they are, but I imagine their realities make their positivism something they must fight for daily.

Being in any kind of relationship with a depressive person must be difficult. To try to cheer up the uncheerable all the time would seem like banging your head against a wall. Sometimes I catch myself with my friends, realizing from an outside point of view what it must sound like. It's a sort of weird out-of-body experience, this awareness, but necessary. Healthy, I would say. Otherwise you could just bring down a whole bunch of people. The very people who care about you the most.

Being married to someone with depression...oh my the labrynth it becomes. In public we put on our happy faces...it's nobody's business anyway. My children don't need to see it either. They'd never understand, nor should they, the issues that brought me to where I am today, and their needs outweigh anything else. They need a parent who is mentally on and alert. But pushing back the demons all the time don't deal with the underlying issues either. And so we go to the self-help books, websites, the therapist or whatever else. As understanding as a spouse can be, it is taxing over time. That's not even including any issues or expectations they themselves bring to the table.

Now I'll insert my little tidbit of personal experience with anti-depressant drugs here. People believe they're an amazing cure all, but it doesn't exactly work that way. Can they be helpful? Yes. But understand they are non-formulary drugs. This means it will be an out-of-pocket expense every month. Nor are they cheap. I was on Cymbalta for quite awhile. But then it did happen...my prescription ran out and I didn't have enough money to fill it. These aren't drugs you can stop on a dime. The warning labels are real, folks. I am very thankful I had the adult mind to realize the thoughts coming into my brain were caused by the abrupt stoppage of medication. But the thoughts were real...and powerful. My husband was very upset when he found out I stopped taking the medication, but I never told him why, other than my 'side-effect' symptoms. For what? So he could feel like dog shit? So we could go through this again maybe next month, or a few months down the road? The reality is it all sounds good. But unless you have the resources to make the financial commitment, don't even start.

All my husband knows is that he wants me to be happy. So he does things, in hopes that it will magically work. He absorbs it like a personal failure when it doesn't. Now this isn't to say I don't appreciate him, because I do. Greatly! He's a loving, hard-working man with integrity, compassion and character. I don't doubt his love for me, and I love him. But it's not his job to make me happy. This is my problem, and I need the time and space to deal with the issues that brought me here today. But that's the kicker, isn't it? Time and space. Like all people, we have responsibilities and commitments. Children that require time and attention, or perhaps a job. The issues get pushed to the back burner because they have to be. One day, we think. But the reality is that day never comes. Life happens.

Today I was given the impossible ultimatum: get happy or my marriage is in jeopardy. I recognize his feelings, but really I don't even know how to begin to address this. How? If I could do it on my own, I would have by now. It seems like an impossible mountain to climb. I could put on the happy face, never say a word...a marriage in slow death. Hell, I don't even know if I could pull off that good of an acting job. I always thought that somewhere in life would be that place where I could be me, but it just doesn't seem that way.

Door to Door Salesmanship

2010-07-07T22:14:00.000-04:00

Today I had one of those door to door salespeople come to my door attempting to sell us 'educational' books. The exchange was so entertaining I just had to share it. Perhaps you've seen these people, they're college interns attempting to make a few bucks working for The Southwestern Company. The kids stay with a host family in a completely different place and peddle books all summer. The guy who showed up at our door's name was Tyler. Tyler from Nebraska. He was a nicely dressed, clean cut kid. I kinda felt sorry for him because I figured he worked for a scam outfit that cashes in on the naivete of their employees.

His first mistake was to try to enter my house. I think it's rude for a stranger to assume he/she can enter your home. He was probably hoping we had A/C, which we don't. It's been 102 degrees for the past 3 days, so I was out back watching my kids swim in their pool. I led him around the house to the back. Next he had to face Justice. Justice is no longer a cute, little puppy, but a rambunctious 70 pounder who's still learning manners. Justice is very protective, but Tyler passed his radar. We sit at the table on the back porch and Tyler begins his spiel; the one they must teach him at the Southwestern sales school. I politely listen.

"Are you the one who makes the decisions regarding education?" he asks. Isolationism.... I inform him that my husband and I make those decisions together. He goes on about how he'll only be in town today. Pressure attempt.... From there it gets downright laughable.

While this continues, I notice Tyler's 'list'. I'm getting even worse vibes about this company. Not only was it a listing of names and addresses, but their occupations. Public information is one thing, but it seemed like this company was stalking our town.

"Do you know Mrs. Brown? She teaches at the school." Of course I know her. She was the one who allowed Divine to read during math class and the reason I pulled her out of that school. Tyer alludes that teachers use his books as reference materials to help their students learn in a variety of ways, but never actually says whether Mrs. Brown actually bought the books. Not that it would matter; if she did it probably would have sent me running, but I was planning to do that anyway. I inform him my children attend a cyber school.

"I noticed that parents here are very involved in their children's education." Okay Tyler, don't patronize me. Your peer pressure tactic isn't working. I want him to cut to the chase, so I flat out ask him to show me the books. He whips out his condensed volume and flips to the math section, where he goes on about how confusing it is for students because of the way the texts are organized.

"Each chapter introduces a new concept, then the problems get harder, right?" I can't help myself anymore. "No, each chapter introduces a new concept on a basic level, has problems to correspond with the new concept, then each subsection introduces the next step to gradually increase difficulty with subsequent problems for students to practice in each subsection." I'm getting the idea that Southwestern's premise is that parents really aren't aware of their children's curriculum.

Tyler's next tactic is to show me how the books are designed go through high school and college. In other words, when my kids get into advanced math, I won't be able to help them anymore. Again, patronizing. What he doesn't know is that I'm married to the human calculator. Hubby loves math. He does nothing but math all day as an Estimator and Project Manager. Then he comes home to work on his continuing education classes in exciting (sarcasm here) subjects like Accounting (1&2), Advanced Algebra and Business Law.

Sensing he may have chosen the wrong subject material, Tyler shoots to English and Grammar. Now I'm really feeling sorry for him, since that was my major in college, as was education. He asks me if I know when to use a semi-colon or a comma. I answer in great detail. Poor guy, I'm probably the only person in town that has two grammar books sitting on her shelf, as well as an MLA. I feel bad for him because the company he works for assumes people are idiots. They assume parents don't have the motivation or desire to peer into their child's textbooks. For all Tyler's yammer about 'noticing parental involvement in their children's education', it's all a sham. His company assumes differently and uses that lip service to pressure people.

Divine is insanely curious (nosey), so she is nearby listening. As a last ditch effort Tyler shows her his book and asks her if she would use it to help her in school. Divine laughs. "No."

How Technology has REALLY Changed Motherhood

2010-07-07T15:46:00.000-04:00

I love my 2nd gen. Shuffle. I clip it onto my shirt, crank up the volume and have relative peace because I can't hear my kids. When their lips move, I just yell "WHAT? SORRY I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" Technology has done wonders for motherhood. We use our digital cameras to capture those priceless moments our husbands would never believe actually happen because we cleaned it up before they got home. Then we blog about it to embarrass our kids just enough to make sure they never EVER do it again. But opportunity never presented itself so lavishly until Divine begged for an iPod Nano. It had to be the NEW one of course, with the video camera. The answer was immediate: NO. We cited oodles of lost DS games and the cyclone she calls her bedroom. But since her birthday and Christmas practically stack each other, she pooled all her resources. After one of her gifts didn't work (a real cheap digital camera), she decided to return it for the cash to put her in buying range.

Divine uses her Nano constantly. So constantly I had to take it away because she was playing with it during class. My kids go to a cyber school, but only Divine has classes on the computer in a Virtual Classroom. While she's there I teach Little Man and Little T. After confiscating it, I set it up from a distance to capture what she does while she's supposed to be paying attention in class. It's so slim and compact she never saw it. No tell-tale cords or red light. Hubby and I use the voice recorder to deliver messages like "If you're in bed and listening to this, you're grounded!" or "Clean your room, pick up your toys!" then set it to repeat and play. Divine created her own 'web show' (after iCarly) and I hijack it all the time. As much as she pretends to hate it, I think she secretly loves the attention she gets because the camera is still on her.

The torturing possibilities are endless. By far though the best gift it's given me is peace in the car. I can download TV episodes (some of their favorites were recently available to download for free), and all 3 kids huddle around the little screen. No fighting, just giggles as we go down the road. It's also given me the opportunity to introduce them to some of my childhood favorites, like Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck and Wile E. Coyote and Roadrunner. They love it so much that Little Man decided it was the only thing he wanted for his birthday months later. He forked over all his birthday money and we kicked in the rest. Now he records himself playing video games. *sigh*.

So, I've decided that I'd like an Ipod Nano too. Occasionally I make up songs on the fly. They usually involve my children and disciplinary action set to familiar tunes. My friends tell me I need to blog about them, but by the time I can actually sit down and type, it's gone out of my head. I'll put those 'cute but slightly embarassing' baby photos on it to show friends, relatives and complete strangers in front of them. I can envision it standing in line at the pharmacy, perhaps the typical 'baby in the bath' photo while casually mentioning that we're there to pick up their acne medication.

Thinking ahead, the day will come all too soon that they will want their own cell phones. Right now I live in a dead zone, so I can stave that off at least for awhile. But one of those 'app' phones would be ideal, just for the GPS function that tracks your kids' phones. Noting their location, I could call them up warning them not to use the bathroom at 'that seedy place' should they happen to need to go. Should they decide to not answer when my number appears it's no matter. I'll just text it. They'll know I'm watching. See, the glory of technology isn't all the gadgets, but how to use them in a manner where my kids understand they're accountable...whether they're at home or not.

Sharp Flats (Shoes!)

2010-05-15T16:30:00.000-04:00

Okay, I hope you can excuse that groaner of a musical pun.

I got an email from the BlogHer people the other day about the upcoming conference. They were discussing shoes, and how we should save the pumps for the parties but pack flats for the day. That got me thinking. As many cute heels as there are out there, I can't wear them. I have a congenital condition that prohibits it. That's never been a problem, because I've never been a shoe freak to start with. Give me a pair of Nikes and I'll beat them to death. Then there's 'the old standby', you know... those obligatory pairs of white, tan, black or blue plain flats that get the job done when you have to dress up for something and sneakers just won't cut it.

But damn it, this is BlogHer. I'm signed up for a few parties and I wanna look nice! Not in school marm fashion neither. My big dang feet wanna party in a cute pair of shoes! So I'm combing the internet for flats with attitude. Something fun and party-worthy. I found a site called madaboutshoes.org with an article on flats. I'm still looking for that pair that screams 'me' and 'I gotta have it' in the same sentence. So, I'm calling all of you shoe-freaks out there...what are your fave sites? Suggestions?

Withdrawals and Other Random Stuff

2010-05-08T21:41:00.000-04:00

My computer took a giant shit. That's really the best way to describe it, because it's not working. Hubby reloaded the OS and it still doesn't work. So I guess this time I'll actually have to pay someone to fix it. And really this is very unfortunate. I mean, is there ever a time when one can be without a computer? So I'm using Hubby's laptop. I've discovered I hate laptops, because I don't like the touch pad mouse thing. It keeps moving my cursor while I type which me lose my train of thought, which hangs in the balance 100% of the time. There are 5 computers in this house (I'm not kidding), but I can't only access my blog from 2 of them. And one doesn't currently work. And I'm having withdrawals. My kids attend a cyber school, so their laptops are net-nannied to death. If it's not an educational website, the school's system blocks it.

Speaking of school, there are two major announcements! One is that Little Man is officially in 3rd grade. He finished 2nd grade early, and because of the self-paced platform he's enrolled in, he can move on to the next grade. We already have his books and have gotten started. Divine is less than thilled that her little brother is on her 'turf'. She's been doing fairly well, but isn't very motivated this year. Perhaps this will spark some. The other major school announcement is that Hubby is back in school! He left college just shy of graduation, so he is completing his bachelor's and is looking to get his master's. He's aready completed his first semester with straight A's. We're very proud of him!

School and other end of year things have kept me very busy. Divine has many end of year projects due, and Little T has been plugging away at Kindergarten. We just finished Girls Scouts for the year. It seems everyone needs my attention, which leaves little time for blogging. :-( The sad thing is I have TONS of ideas to write about, little things that happen that are so blog-able. BUT...drumroll please...I AM going to the BlogHer conference in August! Kristin and I will both be there together (be afraid, be VERY afraid), and we're counting down the days until the conference!

Speaking of Kristin and blogs, she bestowed upon me an award that is completely COOL! It is the Nobel Award for Awesomeness! It means a lot to me because I never really thought of myself as awesome. Strange in a bizarre, sick and twisted way maybe. Yeah, that's probably how I'd term it. Anyway, she told me I need to pass on this award. That will have to be a separate post (I think it deserves that), but I wanted to thank Kristin for it!

IF YOU KNOW A CHILD, PLEASE READ

2010-04-16T14:16:00.000-04:00

If you've ever bought a toy for a child, chances are it was from Fisher-Price or Mattel. You may not be aware of a massive recall of many popular toys in 2007 due to lead paint. I wasn't, and was shocked to see which toys were part of this recall. This has now turned into a class action lawsuit, which Mattel is settling. To see exactly which toys are in this recall, what dates are affected and what to do about it, visit the Mattel Settlement website. Think this isn't a big deal? I'd like to share just some of the character series involved:

Dora the Explorer
Diego (Go Diego Go!)
Sesame Street
Blues Clues
Geo Trax
Barbie
Polly Pocket
Batman
and MORE

My daughter is a huge Dora/Diego fan. I literally rummaged through her toy box last night, pulling out toy after toy affected in this recall. Maybe you're the type that don't like to participate in class action lawsuits. I'm not either, but PLEASE at least view the affected toys so you can GET RID OF THEM. A great number of these toys cater to small children, who stick everything in their mouths. My daughter was tested for lead levels a few years ago, and I was shocked when the results said her levels were high. We combed through our house thinking it could be paint in the house or something. Now that I've read this it makes me think otherwise.

PLEASE don't brush this aside. Please look at the affects of lead poisoning. Considering young children are at high risk, and the fact that MANY of these toys are for this very age group is scary!

Governmental Irony

2010-03-02T10:12:00.001-05:00

The Postal Service is losing money at an enormous rate. The Wall Street Journal reported on it today in this article. Now there are many reasons for this, but I figure if they stopped advertising on TV, they may be able to save a couple of bucks.

A few moments ago, there was a knock at my front door. It was a representative from the census bureau, handing me our census form. The government paid someone to personally hand me my census form. It comes with a postage paid return envelope. Now I'm not complaining, the way I figure it there would be some people who wouldn't return it based on that. But to send it out? Wouldn't it cost less to send it in the mail?

Puppies

2010-02-24T09:59:00.000-05:00

Meet Justice. At just 10 weeks old, he's a ball of cuteness, energy and trouble. When we went to look at the entire litter, this little guy was a standout. He was alert, curious and playful. The owner was trying to help by removing any of the pups that weren't on my short-list. So while he was picking up the others to bring back to their pen, Justice stood at attention and watched. As soon as his back was turned Justice flipped around and aimed for some packaging that contained food. This guy's a thinker, I thought and that sealed the deal.

He was really great in the car. Divine held him in the backseat with a pad covering her lap while I drove to pick hubby up from work. It was working well until he got car sick on her arm. I have to say Divine was wonderful about it. Despite the stench emanating from the backseat, she remained calm, petting him saying "it's alright, sweetie...it's okay..." while the cold wind blew through the car to air it out. Thank goodness for pet stores! We ducked inside so she could wash off the best she could. The kids thoroughly enjoyed parading their new puppy around the store, lapping up all the oohs and aahs from passers by. Since we had planned on getting a puppy we had all the necessary supplies, but couldn't resist getting a few toys for him.

Hubby was very happy with my choice. My cats weren't nearly as thrilled, hissing and running off as soon as we came into the house. LOL!

2010 Snowstorm

2010-02-11T10:27:00.000-05:00

So the 2nd snowstorm in a week's time is finally over. The cleanup is just beginning! I thought I'd share some of the pictures.

To get an idea of how much snow we got, here is a shot of my picnic table. The left side represents how much we have total from both storms, the right is how much we got with this storm alone:

This picture is a measurement of how high the snow pile is left by the plows. It's actually a bit higher than this, but I had trouble stuffing the tape measure down into the snow.

This picture is the best estimate of how much we really got...22 1/2 inches!

After I uploaded these I took a few more which I can share later. I'm just thankful we didn't lose power this round, which is what happened last week! The kids can't wait to get out and play in it!

Bread Farts

2009-09-09T23:32:00.000-04:00

So this weekend I was cleaning out the fridge. Not my favorite job, but it was pretty bare and hubby decided to do the grocery shopping. His mantra is 'he who shops decides what we eat.' Since I don't feel like dragging the monsters three with me, he can do it. As usual, my mini crowd congregates while I'm elbow deep in suds cleaning the various parts and drawers. My oldest holds up my container of yeast and asks what it is.

"It's yeast, honey."

"Okay, what does it do?"

"You make bread with it."

She gets a quizzical look on her face and asks how.

"You have to wake them up."

"Like this?" violently shaking the container.

"No, honey. You have to put some in warm water to wake them up. Then you use it in the dough."

"Okay mom...then what?"

Honestly, I didn't know how to tell her about the science of making bread in a simple way. So I said,

"It farts."

"It FARTS?!?!" (Laughs hysterically)

"Yep. You know those holes in the bread you eat? That's created when the yeast fart."

She gallops off to tell her siblings about this, cracking up. I only hope there's a good amount of time between now and the next time we visit my in-laws. I have a funny feeling this new found science of theirs will come to revisit. You see, my MIL is a lady. And when I mean lady, I mean there's no such thing as a fart in her house. She's informed my children they do not fart, they pass gas.

Not skipping a beat, all three come running back into the kitchen.

Little Man: "Mom, does bread fart?"

Little T: "NO! It PASSES GAS! (doubled over in laughter)

Me: "Yeah, you wait and think about THAT the next time you eat lunch!"

Honestly they seem to be delighted with the idea. My kids are as sick and twisted as I am.

The Best of Intentions

2009-08-03T23:24:00.000-04:00

Yesterday we went shopping. On one of the endcaps were beach towels on sale, a large stack of them were of the American flag. I looked over at Hubby and said, "There's just something wrong about that." Knowing me as well as he does, I didn't have to explain it. He just nodded with a slight smile and said "yeah". The reference went right over a nearby gentleman though, who got his huff on:

"There's nothing EVER wrong about the American flag!"

Me: "To wipe your wet butt on?"

He drew in his breath to continue on his soapbox, then halted. The mental connection must have clicked as the wind went right out of his sails.

I'm sure the product was made with the best intentions and all, but perhaps they didn't think it through. Maybe that's why they were on sale.

I'll Save Me, Thank You! Part 2 of the Obesity debate.

2009-07-29T20:07:00.000-04:00

Perhaps you saw my little rant a few months ago on the 'story' that obesity contributes to global warming, or how a New York Congressman wants to ban any fast food restaurant within a 500 feet radius within a school. The first sentence is linked to it if you missed it and care to read it first.

Part two of this rant presented itself just a few weeks later, although it only recently gained more press due to it's relevance to the Healthcare Bill President Obama is attempting to pass. Commonly called the 'soda tax', it would tax "soda, certain fruit drinks, energy drinks, sports drinks and ready-to-drink teas. It would not include most diet beverages," according to the Wall Street Journal. Do you honestly think it will end there?

Recently Alabama was rated as the second most obese state in the nation. In response, all Alabama state employees must pay a 'fat tax', a $25 surcharge on their health insurance. As Fox News reports, "But there's a way to avoid the fee: Get a check-up at an in-office "wellness center," where nurses will check for diabetes and hypertension and measure blood pressure, cholesterol, glucose levels and Body Mass Index (BMI). The idea is to encourage employees to act responsibly, lose weight and lower their health care needs. But critics say it will humiliate and stigmatize obese employees and amounts to nothing short of a "fat tax." Here's the catch: ALL state employees have to pay this tax. The only way to avoid the fee is to go through the humiliating process described above. It's an IN-HOUSE wellness center, which to me equates to being forced to step on a scale in your boss' office. Then the results are sent up to the insurance handlers, who are your co-workers, who then also know your results...private health results they don't deserve, nor should they know. That is something that should be between a patient and their private doctor.

In my view the soda tax simply opens the door to more 'sin' taxes, which are already being considered on the federal level. Right now one could argue the tobacco taxes or an alcohol tax. But what is next? Potato chips? It's just another way to bilk money out of the American public by making it palatable (pardon the pun) to step on others' rights. Proponents say it's designed to discourage 'unhealthy behavior'. Really? I think that's a load of crap. So instead I thought of a better way to handle this problem:

If this administration is so concerned with obesity and the health of Americans, perhaps we should have federally funded gyms. These gyms could have a physician, nurse, nutritionist and personal trainers on staff. They should also have child care available with certified child care providers, so all Americans could take advantage. Think of it: The physician could assess and recommend a work-out regimen for you, who would be in direct communication with your personal trainer. Your personal trainer would be then properly notified of any relevant medical conditions and how that applies to their job. The nurse could assist in this process, as well as be on hand (as would the doctor) if any health emergency or accident occurs at the gym. The nutritionist would also be in direct contact with the physician (having more medical knowlege on each patient) and can council people accordingly. Maybe each gym could have a pool for fitness and hydrotherapy, and on the side have lifeguards who could also be certified to teach swimming to children. There's another safety issue we can address on the national level!

Now I hope you realize I'm not serious, right? The cost alone would be astounding. But with a government that's not afraid to spend obscene amounts of money on rediculous projects with OUR money, is it so far fetched? Spending time on the CAGW (Citizens Against Government Waste) website is enough to make one sick. Government pork isn't the focus of this particular post, but I think the government is more concerned with finding ways to tax us rather than have the actual concern they claim to have for the people they serve. That's obvious by how most, if not all our representatives and senators haven't read the sweeping healthcare bills being proposed. Even Rep. Conyers, the Chairman of the House Judiciary Committee seemed incredulous that we should actually require him to read the bills he votes on: “I love these members that get up and say, ‘read the bill!’ Well, what good is reading the bill if it’s a thousand pages and you don’t have two days and two lawyers to find out what it means after you’ve read the bill?” Oh, and 'The Bill' he's discussing is YOUR HEALTHCARE BILL. Here's a thought, Rep. Conyers! Maybe you should DEMAND TIME TO READ IT. EACH VERSION YOU COULD POTENTIALLY VOTE ON. That is your JOB.

No, instead they seek to blame, tax and humiliate 'fat' or 'obese' people as a social ill, and acting as if taking this action will save us from ourselves. As if we needed to be saved by the almighty government. No, it's just another handy scapegoat the government uses to justify taking more money out of our pockets.

Cranky Neighbors

2009-07-28T12:34:00.000-04:00

Dear Miserable Lady Who Lives Up The Street:

Just because my children ride their bike past your house, it does not make them 'crazy kids', which you mutter as they pass by. They don't need you to sneer 'stay off my property' or 'keep away from my vehicles' either. The street is a public place, on which they are free to ride their bikes. It's not their fault that when you park your massive SUVs under your tiny carport there is only about an inch of clearance between your property and the street. My children rode their bikes on the side of the road, on the proper side of the road. The middle of the street is unacceptable, as is riding against traffic.

I would also like to remind you that people who complain the loudest are often guilty of the issue they complain about. That is evidenced by the shed you had to have moved because, yes, it was your shed on someone else's property. And you know what? The owner probably wouldn't have cared, except you were so busy yelling at her relatives to stay off of 'your' property so much they simply had enough of you. Oh, and by the way? They were never on YOUR property at all. They had permission to be where the were.

Moreover, I resent the fact that you repeatedly felt you had the right to yell at my children at all. You never discussed anything with me like a civil human being, instead you came at me with your mouth firing like a double barrel shotgun. When you couldn't get compliance from me you turned to insults and 'threatened' to speak to my husband about it. I invited you to do so. I noticed you haven't taken me up on my invitation.

I humbly suggest that you rethink this whole notion of your property rights. It doesn't give you the right to be an asshole or tread on the legal rights of others. Nor does it give you license to threaten and bully children. In conclusion, I understand your daughter-in-law (who is also our neighbor) will be having a second baby soon in addition to her 2 year old son. Soon she will find herself where I am now, with multiple children going in opposite directions and can't be shadowed individually every second of the day. Will you treat them as you've treated my children? I doubt it.

Do You or Would You Self-Censor?

2009-07-27T16:24:00.000-04:00

How do you feel about people you personally know reading your blog? Like your family or people in your community, that you see and talk to on a regular basis? If you knew they read your blog, would that change how you write? Would you or do you self-censor?

The anonymity of the internet and blogosphere allows for free expression, and I wonder if part of the 'free' expression of ideas derive from that. I'm not talking about language, per se...but rather would you feel free to fully state your opinions?

Wonderful Nothingness

2009-07-27T00:08:00.000-04:00

Today was a day of NOTHING. Wonderful NOTHING. We didn't clean, didn't scramble to do all the chores that need doing, nada. Instead hubby read, I stitched, the kids played. Hubby jumped in our little pool so the kids could climb all over him. I stitched so much I used a full spool of Kreinik. Oh no! So I just HAD to buy more this evening (well, I did actually...) and a few extra skeins of the floss I'll need for the project. LOL (Kristin, when you stitch yours, make sure you have extra skeins and spools. You'll need them.)

T is looking a LOT better. The swelling is gone, all that's left are the residual scabs that are drying up. She is happy and playing again. Little Man is still miserable though, he's still very itchy and it looks like more spots are breaking out on his legs. Poor guy was in tears tonight over it.

In other news, the kids should be fully enrolled in cyber school and we should be getting the materials within the next few weeks. We're still trying to plot out where each child will have their workspace in the house during their school hours.

Tomorrow will have to be a cleaning day, that's what happens I suppose with kids and you take a day 'off'. LOL

Random Randomness

2009-07-25T11:49:00.000-04:00

It's been an insanely busy week, not in a bad way...but in the typical summer way. For those of you who don't know, I'm a brownie leader for my daughter's troop. We're incredibly blessed to have all the parents eagerly involved in the troop, for which I am very grateful. One of the moms created a 'sleepover' for the girls, where we spent a day working on badges and the girls slept overnight in tents. She made booklets dividing the girls into groups that went to rotating stations. They learned basic knots, made 'rocks' with plaster of paris, made a shoebox habitat for their animal of choice, and dug holes to observe what happens under the earth. This mom was even very accomodating to those of us with younger children, who also participated in the activities depending on their abilities. We even cooked over the fire and in the evening made s'mores. The mom that arranged this has also agreed to help lead the troop next year, which I'm very excited about.

**********

This week we also took the kids to an amusement/water park. It's the closest thing we've come to a vacation this year, and the kids were delighted. They swam, played and rode rides to exhaustion. The park had a great array of rides for the younger age groups without being exclusively for the 'baby' set, including roller coasters. We were there from the park's opening to almost closing and never rode the same thing twice, and didn't even ride everything!

*********

Little T has poison ivy, which she is highly allergic to. Her face is swollen, including one eye that was swollen shut, the other eye almost swollen shut. We rushed her to the doctor who gave her a shot and put her on medicine. It has helped immensely, and this morning Little T exclaimed "Look mom! I can BLINK!" as she fluttered her still swollen eyelids. Little Man has poison ivy too, but doesn't seem to be allergic to it like T is. Keeping them from scratching like crazy is quite a job!

**********

We keep a small garden, which has 7 tomato plants, 4 pepper plants and some green bean plants. Our garden is a bit, well...retarded. While my tomato plants are over 4 feet tall, the pepper plants are about 4 inches tall, and the green bean plants range from 2-6 inches in height. They're all healthy and everything, just not growing. Now I grew all of these plants from seeds, so go figure! I even started both the pepper and tomato plants back in March with those little peat pots. The green bean plants have beans that jut out from underneath because the beans are longer than the plant itself, I think.

Anywho, today is a Ketchup day. You know, ketchup on the laundry, ketchup on the cleaning, ketchup on the yard work, ketchup on the blog. LOL I hope everyone is having a great day!

Results

2009-07-10T10:01:00.000-04:00

Little Man's results were as we expected. The scope of the test is meant for older children, so he simply hasn't been exposed to some of the concepts which skewed the results of the testing. The psychologist said he is definitely gifted material, but that he should be retested in 2-3 years. It was explained that the children have to have a particular score regardless of age, but there is rapid cognitive development until approximately 10-11. That doesn't solve Little Man's current problems in school, however. The psychologist wants to meet with his teacher and be proactive for next year. My daughter had this teacher last year, and while she's very nice, Little Man will still be in the predicament he was in previously. One of the reasons I'm also putting my daughter into cyber-school is that her Math scores suffered horribly, under this same teacher Little Man will have this upcoming year. Her reading and Language Arts scores were sky-high, but her Math scores were low because she'd read a book tucked under her desk instead of paying attention. Needless to say I'm not getting the warm fuzzies based on previous experience. In the meantime I've been researching how to better help my children educationally, to get them out of this rutt of apathy. If this is a child's period of rapid cognitive development, why would I trust the school district to dole out more of the same?

Testing...

2009-07-08T11:27:00.000-04:00

Today Little Man goes for his testing to see if he will get into the gifted program. If he does, he can transfer his GIEP (Gifted Individualized Education Program) to the Cyber School. Since he is so young he may not get in yet. They usually don't like to test this early, but are doing so at my request. The fact is Little Man is completely bored at school. He hates busy work, isn't challenged at all, and spends his time entertaining himself in non-academic pursuits, which usually land him in trouble. I cannot take another year of it, and neither can he.

This week my older two are in a Bible Day Camp. They look forward to it. Yesterday Little Man got into a row with a girl in his class who is also at the camp. He doesn't like her and told her he's 'sick of her stuff'. The Pastor running the camp told him he needed to 'forgive and forget'. Little Man whirled around and said "I did forgive. But the Bible says nothing about forgetting." When the Pastor challenged him he pointed to his Bible and said "SHOW me the rule." I have to say I'm proud of him. First of all he recognizes that the Bible is the standard in Christianity. Secondly, he's not afraid to question and seek the answer. The Pastor is a great guy, and said he'd dig out his concordance and look it up. This is the same child who wanted to know how (in detail) Jesus defeated the devil in the story of the resurrection. When I tried to explain it to him, he handed me my Bible and said SHOW ME. I admire that he takes nothing at face value.

Well it's a good thing the Pastor is as cool as he is. Last year at the camp Little Man would equate every spiritual lesson to an episode of Spongebob. That's a guy of great patience.

Anywho, tomorrow should be quite telling when he meets the school psychologist. They will administer an IQ test among other things. Even if Little Man doesn't get in now, the psychologist said he would discuss with me if he'd be a candidate in a year or so, as the test is designed for children who are 9 or so. It should be interesting.

If you can spare some prayers, please!

2009-07-07T10:15:00.000-04:00

A very dear friend of mine (An SBC, Sister By Choice) called last night, rather overwhelmed. Her husband, also a friend of mine, has been in a motorcycle accident. He was stopped at a light when he was hit from behind by an SUV. The impact was so hard he doesn't even remember the accident at all. Thankfully he was wearing a helmet, which certainly saved his life. He was rushed to the hospital, and it is nothing short of miraculous his injuries weren't worse. He has a concussion and whiplash, no broken bones but lots of sore muscles. He was released from the hospital but can barely walk. He hasn't been back to work, but will be seeing his doctor today.

The kicker in all this is that the driver in the SUV gave the police all fake information. Apparently the police took his paperwork at face value and didn't verify anything. The insurance card he presented is a company that doesn't even exist! The phone number is fake too.

Overall I know things could have been a LOT worse. Naturally my friend is very worried about her husband, since in the days since the accident he has not been physically well at all. She is also worried about their finances, since he is not working and they are not sure when he'll be able to go back. The chances of recouping their loss is slim, but he is ALIVE and in ONE PIECE.

Goldbug

2009-07-01T04:00:00.000-04:00

When I was a kid, I loved Richard Scarry books. In Cars and Trucks and Things That Go, one of the challenges in the book was to find Goldbug on each page. Usually he's tucked away in the corner of a window in one of the vehicles on the page. The little guy in the picture is indeed a GOLD BUG...he didn't seem real! So I touched him lightly and he flew on my porch. That's as close as I could get without compromising clarity, even after cropping the picture. They are actually called the Golden Tortoise Beetle, and like to eat the leaves of the Morning Glories. That explains it, since I have a bunch of them. Very cool!

Alec Baldwin to write a book: ON PARENTING

2009-06-30T12:30:00.000-04:00

I saw this on the news this morning, and quite frankly couldn't believe it. As if that wasn't ironic enough, Mr. Baldwin announced it in an interview with Playboy. I haven't ready the Playboy article (although it is listed in the Google search), because I have KIDS. I don't want to have to explain the images that may pop up, know what I mean? In searching for other articles, Yahoo was the best I could find, without going to the direct source.

Here's a tip, Alec: calling your daughter a 'thoughtless little pig' should be under "things not to say." You're the adult, she is a child. Period.

It's A Great Day!

2009-06-28T11:59:00.000-04:00

Today is my day 'off'. My house is empty and silent for the day while hubby takes the kids to see grandpa and grandma. Hooray!

The quiet is bizarre. And peaceful and wonderful. So while I enjoy my cup of coffee, I will probably break some kind of record in the speed it will take me to write this blog post. Meanwhile, I'm mentally making a list of all the things I hope to accomplish while the rest of the family is away. You'd think I'd be painting my toenails or something, right? Nah...it's more a case of 'where do I start first?' There's weeding in my garden, cleaning the kids' rooms, or breaking out the sewing machine and dealing with the pile of hemming, darning and sewing that needs done. My daughter earned 20 badges in brownies this year, and wants them sewn onto her sash say yesterday.

Speaking of yesterday, hubby and I managed to finish painting our family room. It's now a cool shade called red stone. Not long ago we also painted our living room, in an awesome color called teepee brown, which is reminiscent of a chocolate milkshake. We also painted the trim in both rooms a muted off-white color. It certainly beats the wood panelling that was there before!

Well it's time to stop talking about all I'm going to do and actually DO it. Have a great day!

Un-Charter-ed Territory

2009-06-27T20:59:00.000-04:00

Since enrolling our first child, our local school has been a major problem. I've written about this before, when my daughter was in Kindergarten. After witnessing how my son has fared, we're coming to the conclusion that the overall school policy is the largely the problem. With my youngest entering school in the fall, we're simply not comfortable sending her, or my older children, there in the fall. That being said, we're exploring our options.

I've never seriously considered homeschooling before. I believe children can benefit from being in the school setting, from gaining independence, peer-to-peer relations, experiencing diversity and benefit from the wide range of expertise of specialized teachers in music and art. There are many wonderful teachers and school districts in public systems. Unfortunately, due to the lack of structure and lack of real consequences for poor behavior my children are not performing to their full potential.

I have to admit that I was really looking forward to this September. After almost 9 years, all my children would have boarded the bus. For once I could complete household tasks without constant interruption, or could run an errand without being asked if we can stop at McDonald's. I could go to the Dentist without worrying that my children are running amuck in the office, and complete grocery shopping in record time. At home Nickelodeon wouldn't be blaring in my ears anymore, and I could think for more than a minute or so without being asked for a drink, snack, or asked yet another question.

BUT

Yes, the BUT. The BUT that knows it would be another year of heartache, watching my kids slip into apathy about education rather than be excited about it. The BUT that knows by the time I'm notified of an issue at school, a month of misbehavior would have gone by that my children have lied to me about every day they got off the bus. The BUT that knows my son would be busy creating his own entertainment in class because he's just that damn bored. The BUT that knows my daughter would be reading the book hidden in her lap instead of paying attention. Early elementary school is supposed to be fun and exciting, and instead they are bored stiff and lost in the pond of other kids. Yes, POND. This is a TINY school, you'd think that would be to their benefit, right? I have no problems being involved with their education, and will lend my support to teachers...all of which have been informed of that early on. My concentration in college was education, so it's not like I don't understand the process. Instead the teachers seem to want to kick me out of it. I'm supposed to be their puppet that solves their problems the way THEY want it solved, instead of letting me be the parent of my own child.

ENOUGH.

We have been looking into cyber-schooling, which is essentially homeschooling on steroids. It would be through the public school system (statewide), with flexible options tailored to meet the learning needs of the child. For example, since my son is a fast learner, he can be in a self-paced program which allows him to move ahead, thereby alleviating the boredom. My daughter would be in a virtual classroom taught by a state-certified teacher in an interactive format. There would be additional work for her to complete as well. Best of all, you are in continual contact with teachers and are assigned a Instructional Specialist with whom you are required to have a conference with on a bi-weekly basis. If you need them more often they are available. I like that the child's progress is monitored continually this way, so I can fix it or help.

Technology is only partially used to teach and reinforce lessons, so there is still a massive parental effort involved. The program provides the framework and support of certified professionals rather than leave you out there in no man's land. The lesson plans are clear and all materials are sent to you. Yes, I do think about how the plans I had would be brushed aside. But I'd rather put in the effort now for their future than send them back to the school where they crush the spirit and wonder of my kids.

Blogosphere, be scared...really scared...

2009-06-26T07:55:00.000-04:00

I have an exciting announcement for my vast (*sputter, cough, cough, snort*) readership! Okay, really it's for the passer-by who got sidetracked on a web-search. Worthy nonetheless. Many of you know that Kristin over at the Dragondreamer's Lair is a sister-by-choice to me. We've known each other for years and visit each other as often as we can. Because of that, I've also come to know her hubby, Vic. I was very excited to learn that Vic has started his own blog, The Warped Musings of my Inner Self! So today I wanted to give you insight as to why this is such an exciting announcement.

Vic is hilarious, but only if you can keep up. The speed of his speech rivals that of an auctioneer. He's clear, just talks very fast. As a native New-Englander I've been accused of talking too fast, but I've got nothin' on this guy. Now I can process what he's said and fully digest the humor. ;-)

Kristin has called Vic's humor 'warped', which while true, is only a partial description. It's also very sharp and intelligent. We can banter flies at a fast pace, which usually means the conversation takes bizarre side-paths. Did you know he can do an amazing impersonation of Poe from The Teletubbies? Then there's the Canadian Conspiracy Theory, Tales from A Call Center and all the political punditry you can stand. Vic's an easy-going guy, but a straight shooter. An eclectic mix of Southern Charm and Puerto Rico.

Memorial Day

2009-05-22T08:15:00.000-04:00

Today I'm feeling a little nostalgic. You know, kinda like when your grandparents say things like "When I was your age..." followed by some statement that refers to old times being better times.

Does your town have a Memorial Day parade? Our town doesn't, and neither does one in the general vicinity. We have one in the summer, but on some non-descript day in the middle of July. Not on a day of national importance. I think that's pretty sad. When I was a little kid, the Memorial Day parade was a big deal. We'd meet up with my grandparents at the town square to watch. When the parade led off with the color guard, hats were removed and all right hands were placed on their hearts. Adults instructed their young children to do so as well. It was considered rude NOT to. When the veterans marched by, my grandpa would crouch down beside me and cheer as they went by to encourage me to do the same. I didn't understand war or what our veterans had done for us. Nor did I understand as we stood in silence at the cemetery, that the 21 gun salute was to honor the fallen...those soldiers that have given the ultimate sacrifice so I could be free.

My grandfather was a first generation immigrant from a country continually threatened by communist rule. He understood how precious freedom is. He understood that freedom isn't free. In those small actions, he was imparting this to me by teaching me respect for our nation.

As a teen in high school I was in the marching band. I was now in that same parade, wearing a full wool uniform as we played patriotic songs down the parade route, usually in 85 degree heat. At it's end, we stood at attention during the entirety of the ceremony at the cemetery while the sweat dripped. We didn't dare move. While I had somewhat of an intellectual understanding of what war was, and how precious our freedom is, I can't say I had a personal understanding of it. It wasn't until my friends were shipping out for the Gulf did I even start to gain that knowledge. But in those early days, as I watched those parades as a girl it was teaching me respect...respect for our flag and what it represents, respect for our veterans, respect for our soldiers, and for those who gave the ultimate sacrifice of their lives for the greater good of the nation.

In the current environment where political party tends to rank over nationalism, I encourage all of you to remember how great a nation America truly is. No, we're not perfect. But it's because of our soldiers past and present that we have freedoms most other nations cannot enjoy. It's because of these freedoms you can even criticize our leaders, or vote them in (or out) of office. I hope I can impart this sense of respect for our soldiers and veterans to my children. It is because of them, everyday citizens who chose to serve our nation, who not only made our country, but continue to make our country great.

Photo Credit: Flags-In Ceremony at Arlington Cemetery. You can read about and see more photos of this event, which occurs every year. On the Thursday before Memorial Day, the 3rd U.S. Infantry Regiment, known as 'The Old Guard' and other available servicemen and women place small American flags in front of every grave marker at Arlington Cemetery, as well as the Soldiers' and Airmens' Cemeteries, which total over 280,000.

Who Pays for Lap Band Surgery?

2009-05-20T08:00:00.000-04:00

Someone I know is considering lap band surgery. She is in her twenties and on welfare. Imagine my shock to learn that lap band surgery is covered by Medicaid?!?!

If you have insurance, find out if your plan includes coverage for lap band
surgery. While it is true that lap band surgery was once considered experimental
or investigational, it is now accepted as a covered weight loss surgery
procedure by many insurance companies including Medicare. source: lapbandsurgery.net

Lap band surgery can be a viable option for people. It is a personal choice. However, it leaves a sour taste in my mouth to learn that my taxpayer dollars will pay for it. On the same site listed above, they admit that the cost of this procedure can run from $15,000 to $25,000! Another site details this:

Many people meet the qualifications for Medicaid or Medicare assistance,
which covers the cost of medical care for many people. Sometimes they will pay
the entire bill, sometimes a co-payment is required. To be eligible for
Medicaid, you must have a limited income as well as meet certain other
requirements, including age, disabilities, citizenship, income and other
resources. To qualify for Medicare, you must be age 65 or older, under 65 with
certain disabilities (many people with morbid obesity are categorized as
disabled under the Social Security Act), or have End-State Renal Disease
(permanent kidney failure that requires dialysis or a kidney transplant).
To
determine if you qualify, you should contact the appropriate social services
agency in your area. If you do not know where the local office is located, the
address and phone number can usually be found in the front of most telephone
books under government listings. You can also visit the website for either the
CMS (http://www.cms.hhs.gov/) or HHS (http://www.hhs.gov/) if you want to search
for additional information. Source: aboutlapbandsurgery

I cannot stress enough how this offends me. Recently my husband's employer raised the paycheck deduction for our piss-poor insurance by such an amount we had to drop it. It was a choice between paying our bills or having coverage that didn't even cover prescriptions. I couldn't afford to buy my daughter the Singulair she needs for her asthma ($102 per month) even when we had the insurance.

I don't begrudge those who need medicare or medicaid. It provides life saving and life sustaining checkups, medications and procedures for those who need it. I just don't feel lap band surgery qualifies, especially for someone in their twenties. With our taxes sure to be raised with all the new government programs starting in the near future, it offends me even more. I'll leave you with this quote:

A government big enough to give you everything you want is big enough to take
everything you have. Barry
Goldwater

Adulthood

2009-05-14T07:48:00.000-04:00

While slurping down cereal, the kids and I had a talk about adulthood. Like most children, they can't wait to be adults. My video game addicted son has dreams of letting his kids play video games any time they want. LOL

Daughter: "You know why we pretend to be adults? So we can practice being one before we are an adult."

That's a pretty good observation. I go on to explain that it's tough being a kid because you don't have the freedom of adulthood, but adults have responsibilities children don't, such as providing all the things their kids need. Adults realize that being a kid can be pretty cool. I want them to enjoy where they are in life.

D: "So you want to be a kid again so you can pretend to be an adult again?"

I don't tell her this, but I hated being a kid. I have no desire to go back to those days. If I was going to turn back the clock, I'd take the early twenties. But really that's not a discussion to have with her.

My son interjects:

S: "You know what I want to be when I grow up? A plumber. Then all the water faucets in schools would work."

No kidding!

Environmental Activists

2009-05-08T21:59:00.001-04:00

We've had rain of some kind every day for a week straight. As soon as it was dry enough, the whir of lawn mowers could be heard around the neighborhood. Today my husband was mowing the back patch of our yard, which in spots was as high as mid-calf. The girls ran out and started screaming at him (to be heard over the mower). They pleaded with him to SAVE THE DANDELIONS!!!! He didn't stop, so they ran around insanely plucking as many as they could. Then they ran into the woods to pick these dainty little purple wildflowers to go with them and presented me with a Mother's Day bouquet. They are now in a vase.

Pollen, Asthma & Swine Flu

2009-04-29T21:14:00.000-04:00

My 8 year old daughter has asthma. Now that my car is covered with a coat of pollen, she has begun wheezing due to allergies. We usually go through a bout of flare-ups during seasonal changes and when abrupt weather fronts go through. So yeah, this is prime time for this to happen. It was 90 yesterday, 60 today.

As moms with children with asthma can attest, this creates a problem with the school. I usually get a letter threatening me with a fine from the magistrate if my child misses any more school days without a doctor's note. I haven't gotten one yet, but I'm expecting one. And not for anything, but those co-pays add up! The result is that we're very careful about how often we let her stay home. If she doesn't have a fever, she goes to school. Isn't that what I have her inhaler at the school for?

So this morning my daughter wakes earlier than usual, climbs in my bed and we watch the news together during her nebulizer treatment. Then we're off to the races. Two hours into the school day I get a phone call from her: "Mom, I think I have Swine Flu." I could barely keep from laughing. "No I'm just kidding, I was coughing and threw up a little so the teacher sent me to the office." Little smartass.

A Giant 'G' is lit in the sky...

2009-04-28T08:28:00.000-04:00

Those wandering in from various parts of cyberspace, here is the backdrop: Gabe is my best friend Kristin's youngest son. (The link is a video of him from her blog) Last summer Kristin had an unfortunate mishap involving her lawn mower, a bent blade and some four-letter words. The result was the beginning of an obsession, to go along with his current Volcano obsession.

I picture Gabe wearing a reddish-orange outfit with black boots and a red cape. He is Volcano-Man! He can melt metal with his black gloves and laser vision. Of course he can fly, he jumps off the couch regularly. His stunning finishing move is the eruption! (He doesn't need special powers for that one. He's 3.)

Dear Gabe:

I need your help! My husband has bent the lawnmower blade! He tried to fix it, but it didn't work. Can you help me? Now he wants me to go to the store to buy a new one. I wouldn't know where to start! But you could soften the metal just enough with your special gloves to straighten it out, couldn't you? Hitting it with a hammer isn't working very well. Maybe your laser vision? Or maybe you could just use that to cut all the grass? Please come soon!

Global Warming Caused by Obesity?

2009-04-21T19:00:00.000-04:00

This gem of a news story is brought to you today by London's Sun Times. Well this news must be a big sigh of relief to many of my neighbors, as I happen to live in coal mining country. Perhaps now their jobs will be spared. Despite whether you believe in Global Warming or not, this is rediculous. As if many overweight people don't feel bad enough about themselves, now we're literally putting the weight of the world on them too. Now I certainly have more than a few pounds to lose. While I'm not sure if I would be considered clinically obese or not, that threshold seems to lower daily. I believe there is an over-simplification by the skinny populace as to why people are or become obese. If the answer was simple, the diet and fitness industry wouldn't be the million-dollar industry it is. Obviously they are missing key components that can't be waved away with a simple rote answer.

So does this mean the EPA will shut down fast food restaurants? That's not such a stretch anymore. New York City Councilman Eric Gioia wants to ban all fast food restaurants within 500 feet of a school. Given NYC's population, that's almost every block. I wonder what would constitute as 'fast food'? Would that only hit the big chain offenders, such as McDs, Wendy's or BK? Or would that include pizza joints? Sub shops? Chinese food? Where does it end? Since when is it the government's role to decide what is available where in the public arena? If Dad wants to take Junior out for a slice after school, that's his business. Maybe the schools should pay more attention to the mystery meat on their own lunch menus. How about removing chocolate milk? My kids' school even has strawberry flavored milk. They don't get that at home.

I'm not sure if I should laugh at these news stories or be scared of them. Whatever happened to personal choice and personal responsibility? How about real support instead of blame? How about treating overweight people with respect and dignity instead of staring in disdain? Here's a thought: maybe magazine covers should feature HEALTHY women instead of size zero anorexics?

Time or Beauty?

2009-03-23T12:06:00.000-04:00

This is a question for the guys, but ladies feel free to chime in. And yes, I seriously want to know.

So men, if you had to choose one would you:

A) Sacrifice the time and money to have a beautiful wife

or

B) A wife who doesn't wear makeup and believes in the phrase 'wash & go'. Her nails are not manicured. But there is no 'waiting'.

The news had a segment about makeup tips to appear younger without the cost of plastic surgery. A celebrity makeup artist showed how to conceal facial aging signs by use of color and technique. At the end of the segment, one of the male anchors grumbled "Great, now you ladies will spend even more time in the bathroom."

I found that to be hypocritical. Why? Because men are visual creatures. And don't give me any crap about how 'beauty is in the inside'. That may be true, but there's a reason pretty girls get asked out first and more often. And yes, beauty may be in the eye of the beholder. But when a woman is done up right, men like it. Men may not like the waiting, or the money spent on makeup, hair dressers or manicures, but they sure like the result.

I posed this question to my own husband. He couldn't (or wouldn't) answer. Maybe he had visions of dollars flying out of his wallet or tapping his foot outside the bathroom door more than he already does. What do you think?

So why DID the chicken cross the road?

2009-02-04T13:16:00.001-05:00

A recent email explained it in a variety of ways, with differing points of view:

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!

JOHN MCCAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

SARAH PALIN: You betcha he crossed the road, but let's not talk about that, let's talk about energy policy, and how gosh darn hard it is for a middle-class hockey mom to manage the budget of the only state in America with a massive surplus, especially while surrounded by countless Russian and Canadian chickens we have to keep an eye on.

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure - right from Day One! - that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken...What is your definition of crossing?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain... alone.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side.' That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.

GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

SIGMUND FREUD: The chicken felt the urge to cross was stronger than the need to stay. This could be due to some repressed childhood experiences.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

Name That Vehicle Contest!

2009-01-31T17:31:00.000-05:00

Do you name your vehicles? There's something about naming a vehicle that gives it personality. These cars are in desperate need of that. They are begging for it. Both are owned by my friend Kristin. For a larger view of each vehicle, click on their picture. Be creative! Winners will receive a prize! We'll be taking suggestions until Friday!

Book Lovers Rejoice!

2009-01-13T11:05:00.000-05:00

Love books? Don't have the time to read? A fellow blogger posted about this wonderful site called Libri Vox. They are a volunteer organization who seek to make all books in the public domain available as audiobooks in Mp3 format for free. Now you can put audiobooks on your Mp3 player! They have an extensive catalogue with many classics available for download. It's an ongoing project, so check back often. What a cool service!

Cat Magnet

2008-11-07T12:57:00.000-05:00

Halloween Chalk Talk

2008-10-31T09:43:00.000-04:00

Today was the School Halloween Parade. Halloween seems to rival Christmas now; the kids came home with a bag full of candy from school alone! Here they are, marching around the blacktop:

My daughter has been obsessed with cats lately, so naturally that was her costume choice. Somebody was giving out plastic 'fangs', and even though all the kids complained how it hurt their gums they wanted to wear them anyway.

Here is my son in his bat costume. He had previously added a jester hat to go with it, and was dubbed a 'ding bat', but he decided it wasn't cool enough to bring to school. Too bad, it was highly original.

No halloween parade is complete without the appropriate accoutrements. This little party crasher is a regular at the school playground; her owners are students!

After the parade everyone gathered for a 'Chalk Talk'. Chalk artist Elva Hurst tells a story while drawing a picture to go with it. She starts with a blank canvas (which I had a picture of, but was too dark to post), and while a tape plays her story, the picture unfolds...in 20 minutes! She was too amazing not to share. This year's program was about school days when she was young. Elva went to a one room Amish schoolhouse. As she recounted her daily school days routine, she drew:

This picture was taken 10 minutes into the program.

Here is artist Elva Hurst posing with the final piece. The picture doesn't do it justice. After her work is complete, the special light above it can be changed to reflect sunrise, mid-day, sunset and blacklight. The colors she uses are brought out with each setting and is truly beautiful. The children loved it; their unprovoked awe was obvious!

An Ego is Born

2008-10-27T12:10:00.000-04:00

As is our morning routine, I corralled my children into the bathroom to tackle them into brushing their teeth, brushing their hair and washing their faces after getting dressed for school. My son goes through stages of being very particular in regards to his appearance, other times in typical boy fashion he just doesn't seem to care. Today he scrutinized his hair carefully in the mirror.

Son: You know mom, the girls think I'm very handsome.

Me: Oh yeah? Which girls are those?

Son: Any girl I want!

He says this matter-of-factly, as if I was silly to even ask the question. He must get it from his father.

Tag!

2008-10-22T08:04:00.000-04:00

Kristin at The Fertile Infertile bestowed this award and tag on my infant blog.

Now, the way this works, is I answer the following questions with single word responses (well, as best I can anyway), and pass the award on to 7 other bloggers. I'm not sure if I know 7 other bloggers. Kristin is probably trying to kick my creative butt in gear and say "Will ya write something every once in awhile?" Yeah, I had that coming. Do I have to be honest in these things?!?! Onward!

1. Where is your cell phone? nowhere (don't have one)

2. Where is your significant other? work

3. Your hair color? golden brown

4. Your mother? far away

5. Your father? with my mother

6. Your favorite thing? Just one thing? Does an inclusive term like 'my stash' count?

7. Your dream last night? don't remember it

8. Your dream/goal? having my own cross stitch design company

9. The room you’re in? family room

10. Your hobby? cross stitching

11. Your fear? alien invasion (not really)

12. Where do you want to be in six years? financially secure and running my cross stitch design company

13. Where were you last night? at home

14. What you’re not? tidy

15. One of your wish list items? new windows for my house

16. Where you grew up? PA

17. The last thing you did? stitched

18. What are you wearing? jeans and a t-shirt

19. Your T.V.? The news.

20. Your pet? 1 dog, 3 cats and numerous tropical fish.

21. Your computer? decent

22. Your mood? happy

23. Missing someone? yes

24. Your car? Ford Windstar (Mom mobile)

25. Something you’re not wearing? a sweatshirt (it's cold here!)

26. Favorite store? dunno

27. Your Summer? very busy

28. Love someone? with all my heart

29. Your favorite color? it changes

30. When is the last time you laughed? today

31. Last time you cried? the other day

I tag Jen of In One Ear, Venessa of My Life In Overdrive, Velda at Velda's Place, I'll have to return to this one later when I think of a few more...

Not Until I Get My Kiss

2007-12-03T17:50:00.000-05:00

When you're a mom you're not just on call but on deck 24/7. It's part of the job description until kids bloom some independence with the where withall to execute it properly. I'm not sure when that happens, sometime in their twenties??? Thirties???

That being said, sometimes I feel like I'm out of gas. Lately I've felt like more of a maid and my kids think I'm their personal assistant and chef. Most of the time I have a sense of humor about it, but I haven't really been able to recharge in a long time. Before you bring out the cheese (to go with my whine)...

Today started with the normal rush-and-a-push (not to swipe from that Smiths song) to get the kids ready for school on time. On our way to the bus, my daughter stayed back from the others so I walked with her. She opened up to me about school, social troubles and all that's bothering her. It was nice that she trusted me with something so personal, that she felt she could open up those parts of her life with me. As we turned the corner, the bus was pulling to a stop. My son was at the door, refusing to get on. "Not until I get my kiss!" he told the driver. With a hug and a kiss, they both boarded the bus.

Sometimes it's hard to know the impact we have on our children's lives, or how much they appreciate our love. And little do they know how such small things can refill a mommy gas tank.