Separated At Birth?

Here we have Food TV's Alton Brown and musician Thomas Dolby. Uncanny.

Everyone's Normal Until You Get to Know Them

What is normal? As kids we think we know...it's whatever we grew up with. That was our normal. Then we get to school and compare ourselves to others and television to figure out yet again what normal is. Was it designer jeans in the closet? (Showing my age here...) The brand of shoes on our feet? Having the latest technology? At some point I remember a kind of shock to learn that not everybody had a fully stocked bar in their house. Everyone that I knew did (well, their parents did), and my neighbor had a tap. It wasn't odd for some of my friends to have wine with dinner, because in their cultural upbringing it was the acceptable thing to do. It wasn't until later in life after witnessing a few jaws drop that I came to realize not everyone grew up that way.

After Hubby came home from work today I showed him the results from the ADHD test. He found it a bit humorous and said it 'explained some things'. Since he's known me for a long time, I asked him to be the second opinion. He answered the statements and scored it how he saw me...until question 17.

There is a lot of 'static' or 'chatter' in my head.

Besides not having a telepathy helmet, he was baffled by the statement. Completely lost. I understood what chatter was without looking it up, because it's something I can't get away from.

Me: You mean you can turn your brain off anytime you want?

H: Yeah. (said matter-of-factly, with a 'Why can't you?' tone.)

Well I can't. It's always been that way, so I don't see it as anything but normal. I don't understand how someone can will their brain to turn off. Perhaps that's why I'm a night owl. Engage my brain to exhaustion, then there won't be a lot of time between hitting the pillow and sleep, thereby circumventing it. Because maybe I can't shut it off, but I can direct it. Which brought us to this statement:

My thoughts bounce around as if my mind is a pinball machine.

Hubby couldn't comprehend this one either. Probably because he can will his brain off. Something, anything from whatever environment I'm in will trigger a ping in my brain and connect it to something in my memory, which will in turn ping and connect it to something else, then something else, then something else. There are rational connections, but unless you were there you probably wouldn't understand them. And to explain it? By the time I've ping-ed about 5 times only a few seconds have passed.

Now a simple online quiz really doesn't say much, other than call the doctor I can't afford. I've been down the ADHD route with my son, who was completely misdiagnosed. The medicines they kept trying nearly bankrupted us, which amounted to teachers attempting to force compliance out of a bright child who simply wouldn't tolerate their busy work. So after witnessing the process, I'm leery of the whole thing. It reminds me of the depression medication. So for now I'll do some more reading, see if this fits (or I'm just really off my rocker), and look into attempting the 'lifestyle' and 'organizational' changes that supposedly help. Of course if I could do those things, I probably wouldn't be here today in the first place.

You've Been Warned...

While aimlessly surfing the web, I came across this test and decided to take it. The results really aren't that surprising...I mean, I don't call myself a clutter queen for nothing. But on the results page it actually encourages you to copy the code out of the box and put it on your website. As if you'd want to advertise such a thing. I imagine the graphic is a misfiring neuron or something, maybe ready to explode.

Now I realize that ADHD is a serious thing, and I'm not making fun of that. My score was through the roof and I probably need to do all the things it says to do. It would probably answer many things about my life. I'm just not sure that putting their graphic on my page is it.

The Sound of Silence, Blogher Style

Last year Hubby and I wrote all these Christmas Carol parodies for our kids. It was a joke, and Kristin egged me on to post them. Truth be told I was too chicken shit, because some stick-in-the-mud would think I was abusing my kids. In reality they just rolled their eyes and went "MOM" in that way where it has two syllables instead of one. Inspiration strikes in weird places. Today 'The Sound of Silence' rolls through my head, Blogher style, complete with alternate ending:

Hello Kristin, my old friend,
We get to share a room again,
At the Hilton in big New York,
and now I'm feeling like a real dork
And the conference
we've come miles to attend,
my best friend,
is known as Blogher

We entered through the doors and saw,
Ten thousand women maybe more,
I screamed "Holy hormones, Batman"
"I think I need to pop some Ativan"
The elevator crammed
while piped-in muzak played,
Our nerves were frayed,
In all the bustle
of Blogher

We went to seminars galore,
Met new friends at Sparklecorn,
"Did you get a lot of swag?"
"How will it all fit in my bag?"
While the bathroom lines
drastically increase in length,
I've got the strength
To wait my turn
at Blogher

Having to call my man was hard,
I think I maxed my credit card
Times Square and 5th Avenue,
I don't have a single clue
how to continue
after eyeing all that swank
And so my bank
just adores Blogher

We pack our things with a slight frown,
My bag weighs a thousand pounds,
After lunch with A.L.I.,
we said our goodbyes
embracing friends
we've just met face to face,
I've made my case,
to return
to Blogher

alternate ending:
How did we end up here in jail?
I hope our husbands can post bail.
Did it happen with our consent?
We meant no malicious intent
The experience would cement this in our brain,
While we refrain
from blame
at Blogher

Attraction Attachment

Divine likes to watch Animal Planet. As we drove down the road, she announced she finally understood the difference between boys and girls.

Me: "Plumbing." (standard answer)

Divine: "No, Mommy...it's their BUTTS."

Hubby: (muttering) "...oh my god..."

Divine: "On Animal Planet I noticed it on the puppies! The boy puppies have attraction attachments on their butts so the girl puppies will notice them. It's the fuzzy sack in between their legs, and the darker it is the more the girl puppies are attracted to them!"

Hubby: (snickering) "I smell a blog post coming..."

Truly, what can you say to that? Without launching into a very inappropriate conversation in the presence of her younger siblings?

Cookies in the Car

During last week's heat wave, Kristin casually mentioned the idea of baking cookies in the car. I decided to actually try it. Little T thought it was 'stupid', Hubby thought I was nuts, and the secretary at his office laughed. Divine and Little Man were into it because they wanted cookies. But I didn't do it just for a fun household experiment. See, Little T loves to sneak off and play in my car. She can't understand why this is a problem, even if we find her with sweat pouring down her face. Once she locked herself in Hubby's truck and couldn't get out. Lucky for her we regularly keep tabs on where they all are at all times. At 6 a numerical temperature means nothing to her, so I had her shadow me during our experiment. I wanted to show her that the inside of a car can indeed get as hot as the inside of an oven.

We decided on chocolate chip cookies. Overall the experiment worked. The cookies took longer than the '1 hour' it suggested, but the tops did cook and set. Underneath they were very soft, but it didn't seem to stop everyone from gobbling them down. Most of all, Little T got my point. Fingers crossed, so far it has kept her out of the car!

Awesome Week Ahead!!

For the first time since Divine's birth (she's my first), ALL of my children will be away, regularly, for an ENTIRE 5 DAYS. They're going to a summer day camp! Maybe I should explain why this is so thrilling, other than the obvious...

This little blog is what it is...the confessions of a clutter queen. There's a ton of it in my wee house and it drives me crazy. With 3 kids here all the time (literally), there isn't much breathing room or time to keep after it. I told myself that last September would be my opportunity to finally get this place under control. Little T (my youngest) would enter Kindergarten. But then IT happened. My infamous run-in with the local school that caused me to pull all of my children out and enroll them in cyber-school. While cyber-schooling has done wonders for my children educationally, the house fell into complete disarray. No exaggeration. So while my kids are completely stoked to go to camp, they're quaking in their flip flops because mommy is going through their rooms this week. Well, my daughters anyway. As soon as they came home my girls bolted to their rooms:

Divine: "MOM! Where are my companions?!?!?!?!?! Where is Sweetie's locker?!?! WHY DID YOU MOVE MY STUFF???!!!???"

Me: "I have no idea what you're talking about, and I moved your stuff because the dust bunnies are plotting a hostile takeover. I destroyed their fortress they made from the toys you left on the floor."

Little T: "MOM! Where is B-100????"

Me: "Who?"

Little T: "You KNOW, B-100!"

I really have no clue 'who' they're talking about. They give their animals names, then use it as an excuse to throw a toy grenade on their floor. It explodes in all of those tiny parts that frustrate you on holidays because you have to unravel each piece from the twist ties in the packaging. Of course there's already a drawer in place for these items. There always has been. Did they look there? Or under their beds and furniture where they cram stuff and think I don't know? Nah, it's just easier to yell MOM!

Meanwhile, Little Man comes in the house and walks directly to the video game console. He's completely unconcerned.

Little Man: "Mom, can I have a snack? I'm hungry."

The funny thing is that I really didn't spend much time in their rooms at all. I collected the stray clothes they didn't manage to put in the basket so I could finish the laundry. Maybe that was enough to disturb the delicate balance (or eco-system) of my girls' room. Tomorrow is the day I actually enact my assault on their rooms. I'm planning my arsenal as we speak, because there is concern over what the dust bunnies could do with all of the lost Legos on Little Man's floor. But today a smile plays on my lips because the kids were truly entertaining, and I didn't even do anything yet!