Environmental Activists

We've had rain of some kind every day for a week straight. As soon as it was dry enough, the whir of lawn mowers could be heard around the neighborhood. Today my husband was mowing the back patch of our yard, which in spots was as high as mid-calf. The girls ran out and started screaming at him (to be heard over the mower). They pleaded with him to SAVE THE DANDELIONS!!!! He didn't stop, so they ran around insanely plucking as many as they could. Then they ran into the woods to pick these dainty little purple wildflowers to go with them and presented me with a Mother's Day bouquet. They are now in a vase.

Pollen, Asthma & Swine Flu

My 8 year old daughter has asthma. Now that my car is covered with a coat of pollen, she has begun wheezing due to allergies. We usually go through a bout of flare-ups during seasonal changes and when abrupt weather fronts go through. So yeah, this is prime time for this to happen. It was 90 yesterday, 60 today.

As moms with children with asthma can attest, this creates a problem with the school. I usually get a letter threatening me with a fine from the magistrate if my child misses any more school days without a doctor's note. I haven't gotten one yet, but I'm expecting one. And not for anything, but those co-pays add up! The result is that we're very careful about how often we let her stay home. If she doesn't have a fever, she goes to school. Isn't that what I have her inhaler at the school for?

So this morning my daughter wakes earlier than usual, climbs in my bed and we watch the news together during her nebulizer treatment. Then we're off to the races. Two hours into the school day I get a phone call from her: "Mom, I think I have Swine Flu." I could barely keep from laughing. "No I'm just kidding, I was coughing and threw up a little so the teacher sent me to the office." Little smartass.

A Giant 'G' is lit in the sky...

Those wandering in from various parts of cyberspace, here is the backdrop: Gabe is my best friend Kristin's youngest son. (The link is a video of him from her blog) Last summer Kristin had an unfortunate mishap involving her lawn mower, a bent blade and some four-letter words. The result was the beginning of an obsession, to go along with his current Volcano obsession.

I picture Gabe wearing a reddish-orange outfit with black boots and a red cape. He is Volcano-Man! He can melt metal with his black gloves and laser vision. Of course he can fly, he jumps off the couch regularly. His stunning finishing move is the eruption! (He doesn't need special powers for that one. He's 3.)

Dear Gabe:

I need your help! My husband has bent the lawnmower blade! He tried to fix it, but it didn't work. Can you help me? Now he wants me to go to the store to buy a new one. I wouldn't know where to start! But you could soften the metal just enough with your special gloves to straighten it out, couldn't you? Hitting it with a hammer isn't working very well. Maybe your laser vision? Or maybe you could just use that to cut all the grass? Please come soon!

Global Warming Caused by Obesity?

This gem of a news story is brought to you today by London's Sun Times. Well this news must be a big sigh of relief to many of my neighbors, as I happen to live in coal mining country. Perhaps now their jobs will be spared. Despite whether you believe in Global Warming or not, this is rediculous. As if many overweight people don't feel bad enough about themselves, now we're literally putting the weight of the world on them too. Now I certainly have more than a few pounds to lose. While I'm not sure if I would be considered clinically obese or not, that threshold seems to lower daily. I believe there is an over-simplification by the skinny populace as to why people are or become obese. If the answer was simple, the diet and fitness industry wouldn't be the million-dollar industry it is. Obviously they are missing key components that can't be waved away with a simple rote answer.



So does this mean the EPA will shut down fast food restaurants? That's not such a stretch anymore. New York City Councilman Eric Gioia wants to ban all fast food restaurants within 500 feet of a school. Given NYC's population, that's almost every block. I wonder what would constitute as 'fast food'? Would that only hit the big chain offenders, such as McDs, Wendy's or BK? Or would that include pizza joints? Sub shops? Chinese food? Where does it end? Since when is it the government's role to decide what is available where in the public arena? If Dad wants to take Junior out for a slice after school, that's his business. Maybe the schools should pay more attention to the mystery meat on their own lunch menus. How about removing chocolate milk? My kids' school even has strawberry flavored milk. They don't get that at home.



I'm not sure if I should laugh at these news stories or be scared of them. Whatever happened to personal choice and personal responsibility? How about real support instead of blame? How about treating overweight people with respect and dignity instead of staring in disdain? Here's a thought: maybe magazine covers should feature HEALTHY women instead of size zero anorexics?

Time or Beauty?

This is a question for the guys, but ladies feel free to chime in. And yes, I seriously want to know.

So men, if you had to choose one would you:


A) Sacrifice the time and money to have a beautiful wife

or

B) A wife who doesn't wear makeup and believes in the phrase 'wash & go'. Her nails are not manicured. But there is no 'waiting'.


The news had a segment about makeup tips to appear younger without the cost of plastic surgery. A celebrity makeup artist showed how to conceal facial aging signs by use of color and technique. At the end of the segment, one of the male anchors grumbled "Great, now you ladies will spend even more time in the bathroom."

I found that to be hypocritical. Why? Because men are visual creatures. And don't give me any crap about how 'beauty is in the inside'. That may be true, but there's a reason pretty girls get asked out first and more often. And yes, beauty may be in the eye of the beholder. But when a woman is done up right, men like it. Men may not like the waiting, or the money spent on makeup, hair dressers or manicures, but they sure like the result.

I posed this question to my own husband. He couldn't (or wouldn't) answer. Maybe he had visions of dollars flying out of his wallet or tapping his foot outside the bathroom door more than he already does. What do you think?

So why DID the chicken cross the road?

A recent email explained it in a variety of ways, with differing points of view:

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!

JOHN MCCAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

SARAH PALIN: You betcha he crossed the road, but let's not talk about that, let's talk about energy policy, and how gosh darn hard it is for a middle-class hockey mom to manage the budget of the only state in America with a massive surplus, especially while surrounded by countless Russian and Canadian chickens we have to keep an eye on.

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure - right from Day One! - that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken...What is your definition of crossing?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain... alone.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side.' That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.

GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

SIGMUND FREUD: The chicken felt the urge to cross was stronger than the need to stay. This could be due to some repressed childhood experiences.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

Name That Vehicle Contest!

Do you name your vehicles? There's something about naming a vehicle that gives it personality. These cars are in desperate need of that. They are begging for it. Both are owned by my friend Kristin. For a larger view of each vehicle, click on their picture. Be creative! Winners will receive a prize! We'll be taking suggestions until Friday!